Elevated Stress Levels

I'm not feeling too good today, so the doctor gave me the day off. She said I was having a mild fever and some pains due to elevated stress levels, so she told me to chill out for awhile.

She also berated me for playing badminton yesterday, saying that I should know better. How was I supposed to know? I though some exercise would do me some good!

Anyways, hectic week. On Monday I spent the whole day in Mersing, then on Tuesday I was rushing to a CatMan meeting at an outlet then to a training session that lasted 2 days at the office. And after the training yesterday I went to play badminton with some guys at the office.

Today I was supposed to turn up at a brainstorming session that promised to last the whole day but here I am instead.

So tomorrow I'm gonna clear out a whole week's worth of e-mails in my computer then drive straight up to Melaka to check out the venue for the Annual Dinner on Saturday (I'm a committee member). Amir and Zaidi picked out a blue kimono for me to wear because I didn't have the time to get a costume.

Then on Sunday morning I'll be driving up to KL to spend some time with my family and Mr R, then drive back to JB in the evening.

Phew.

I'm listening to some jazz music now, just hanging out at home. My friends and I are going to Bangkok in December, and I am totally looking forward to that.

And how can I be afraid of commitment? Isn't it completely natural? To get married and live with the other person, pay bills together, have kids, grow old until one of you die.

But what if? Ten years down the road the other person decide that he's in love with someone else and comes home and tells you that he doesn't love you anymore? What if he says it's because you're ugly and have lots of stretch marks all over your body?

What if you wake up one day and decide that you can't stand to see the other person anymore? And what if you're scared to death of childbirth, the excruciating pain and the overwhelming responsibility of it all?

Would I be a good wife? A good mother? I haven't traveled the world yet. Am I done with my single life yet?

Erghhhh I'm too confused. Is he the one?

Amir was with his fiance for 12 years before she bowed out of the wedding at the last minute, changing her mind about him. Twelve years! I don't want to do that to him.

I have to be absolutely sure that he will not break my heart, and vice versa.