Heart Speak

Cake Overdose

2011-06-24T11:42:00.003+08:00

So last Saturday was my 27th birthday and it was a truly full weekend for me! On Friday night my best friend Hanna and Kecik organized a birthday dinner for me at Chillis with all my other besties Wyd and Izzah. Mr. R managed to join us after his shift and completed the cozy party to 6 people.

It was just so much fun hanging out and yakking away with my pals, it's been a long while since we did that. They surprised me with a really, really nice Red Velvet with Cream Cheese Frosting cake that I guiltily had 2 helpings of. The prezzies that I received were fantastic; from Hanna and Kecik are 2 fantasy books (since I've run out of books to read this is a great gift) and a manicure pedicure voucher from Izzah.

On Saturday I had a birthday lunch with my family at Jakes where I ordered a Humble Beginnings cake for Jula since it was her birthday too. I had, as usual, too much to eat starting with a delectable helping of Cheese Nachos, fragrant and flavourful bowl of Seafood Chowder, followed by a piece of crunchy Potato Skin with minced beef inside. For my main I had a medium-well tenderloin with Bombay sauce that was simply mouthwatering. To top it all off, I had an Oreos Cookies and Cream mille crepe cake, a few bites of the chocolate brownies they were serving us, and pecan caramel bites with a tall Cafe Latte.

Phew.

When I came back after lunch, I discovered that my MIL and FIL bought several mini cakes for me from Marquise Patisserie Chocolaterie in Bangsar. I had some pretty delicious cakes that can be found in the link. But by then I was already too full from lunch that I couldn't really enjoy it.

Later that night we had Dominos pizza and Mr. R took me and the kiddies out for Cream & Fudge ice-cream where we shared a Strawberry Cheesecake creation. Which goes without saying, was out of this world.

Thank God on Sunday I had a strenuous activity lined up with both our families which involved climbing ridiculously high trees and gliding on flying fox and the works. That was one of the most physically challenging course I've ever been through and I was so proud of my siblings for going through it all. The Skytrex course took 2.5 hours to complete and even though I did end up with bruises at the end of it, I had so much fun that I just didn't care!

After the course we had nasi kandar Pelita for lunch and came back to rest and celebrate Father's Day with my FIL. I think he was pretty happy with his gift which was the Fawlty Towers complete boxset Adif got from the UK.

Later that night the entire family went to Muhibbah to celebrate my AIL's (Aunt-In-Law) birthday where we had a veritable feast of Steamed Fish, Sotong Goreng Tepung, Black Pepper Beef and some other stuff I couldn't remember. To end the weekend we had generous helpings of the French Vanilla cake with Roasted Hazelnuts and Stawberry Heaven cake with Fresh Strawberry toppings from Humble Beginnings.

So my weekend makan-fest ended there with a serious overdose of cake.

All in all, it was a great birthday celebration spent with close friends and families.

And oh yeah, I've started exercising to work off all those calories. In another few years I might just finish burning it all off.

Cheers.

The Reason

2011-06-11T11:23:00.004+08:00

Today I went to see Wan Ainon for breakfast at Geylang Kopitiam, TTDI Jaya. She's been pretty busy lately with her work among other things - helping out charities, organizing events with Imad (Islamic calligrapher, artist and Nasyid singer) and overseeing her bookstore at MyBooqs. I was grateful that she made some time to see me on such short notice.

She has been involved in many, many charities throughout her life and has even gone to Gaza to carry out her work. So it goes without saying that I have come to the right person to seek guidance for my future involvement in charities. It's uncanny how things fall into place when I finally decided to quit my job to be more involved. Suddenly by coincidence I am introduced to her, funds started coming in and I find that I am well equipped to begin. She said to me "When you have your heart set on His path, he will guide you."

How true.

I have a confession to make. After I quit my job at Nestle I have been dragging my feet a bit on this. Now I can totally understand why some of my friends who left their jobs took quite a long break before doing any actual job-hunting. It's just so much fun! In fact, I know of 2 friends who have been jobless for more than 6 months and is enjoying every minute of it.

Being able to sleep in especially on rainy days and Mondays is what I appreciate the most about my break. When I was working at Nestle, I wake up at 6.45am everyday - face the rush hour jam to get to work - meetings all day - hurried and frantic lunch - more meetings - work until 8pm and go home for dinner. Most times I even work on weekends.

Now my daily routine is pretty simple and with utter lack of discipline - wake up at around 8am, ready at around 9am - get a call from either Hanna or my mom to meet for breakfast/brunch/lunch - run errands - go home - read books and greet Mr. R back home. I know I sound like a useless person to society but I am unashamed to admit that I am enjoying every minute of my unemployed state.

Although, there was a moment the other day when I went to CIMB to open up a new bank account that I felt ashamed because I had to fill up the Details of Employment portion and had to leave it blank because I was unemployed. But aside from that, pure bliss. I can hardly keep track of the days anymore and in a blink of an eye, it has been more than a month of joblessness.

But I digress. I am feeling guilty because these funds belong to someone in need and with every second of delay the person's situation becomes more dire. So yes, I am glad that Kak Wan reminded me of that. There are a lot of people who need help out there and so few people to do it.

So she gave me a few leads to start with. I've segregated it to 2 parts.

Local Causes
1. Yayasan Nur Salam
2. Muslim Aid Asia
3. Umi Azizah, an individual who takes in children (up to 40 kids) and gives them shelter, food and basic education. I think she's based in Melawati
4. Islamic Relief Malaysia

International Causes
1. NISCVT - Palestine
2. MAPIM - Mustafa Mansur
3. Sister Fatimah - A charity for Cambodian Muslims living in poverty

I was thinking that I could help in terms of books, tutors and education. Many Muslim children are given complete religious education but are utterly lacking in basic education that will help them get a good job. I need to mobilize friends and families to help teach them really elementary things like math, english and such.

I am grateful to have been given this opportunity. I hope I'll be able to live up to His expectations.

Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value. - Einstein

Cheers.

Life After Nestle

2011-05-23T11:55:00.002+08:00

After 4 years of working in Nestle, I decided to leave the company due to personal reasons. Frequently asked questions are;

Did they kick you out? No.
Did you get a better offer from another company? No.
So have you started looking for another job? No.

Seeing that I have already answered most of the questions at hand, I will leave you now for later.

Cheers.

Desiderata

2010-10-04T00:14:00.002+08:00

Once in every few years I will repost this poem because it is one that has managed to get through to me and remained since I first read it many years ago.

Desiderata - Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Packaging Genius

2010-10-03T23:48:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, simple ideas can be fun. =)

Designing Ambitions

2010-09-23T20:22:00.012+08:00

Today I attended a packaging conference organized by my company at my office. I was actually informed about it 5 minutes before it was supposed to start but that's another story entirely.

It was a whole day event attended by all marketing and brand personnels and also the department managers. Organized by the Communications Division, 6 international speakers were present presenting on various topics such as design trends, innovation in designing and sustainability (meaning how eco-friendly is your packaging design).

One of the more interesting speakers was from the company itself. His profile link if you're interested. The other speakers are from design agencies like Design Bridge. It was the only agency aside from Publicis GCS that I remember because I really like the company logo.

See?

Anyways it was really, really good learning for me in a way that it opened my eyes to the realities of the market out there. In the past, packaging designs has always been a one-way street between the manufacturer and the consumer. Nowadays more and more companies are engaging the consumers in a lot of new ways, innovative and clever in delighting the consumer.

I've always felt that my company's packaging designs are fully functional, less emotional. It is more top-down than bottoms-up. The elements inside it has always been what the company wants to communicate to the consumer, but never really what the consumer is looking for. Call it a force-feeding of some sort.

But the game is changing in a sense that the average person is spoiled for choice. The layman is provided with thousands of options and varieties available out there in the marketplace. Your product will either stand out or be drowned onshelf.

I recall the handful of times that I actually stopped while walking down the shopping aisle because I saw some interesting packaging that caught my eye. I remember the delight that I felt from seeing such an interesting product, be it from the unique shape, amusing labels or striking colours. It made me stop to check it out. And if it was really that good, I would bring it up in conversations.

It was truly inspiring how the speakers made me look at packaging consumers-first instead of company requirements first. I know it sounds like a duh moment right? But believe me when I say that once you get immersed in the brand you tend to see it company first, consumers second.

Some of the recurring examples used were Absolut Vodka which could be recognized straightaway from the shape of its bottle.

Then my favourite was this Worldwide Knit Day edition of Innocent smoothie drink. When I saw it I wanted to buy 3 bottles at once! Don't ask why 3 bottles, I don't know either. Anyway for every smoothie sold with a hat, Innocent and Sainsbury’s donate 50p to Age Concern. You can check it out more at this Innocent Website.

How it usually looks like

I like how it uses the recycling theme on the image
OMG I'm gonna bite them, they're so cute!

It could also be simple and interesting at the same time.

For pregnant moms

These are not real lemons. They're Jif Lemon Juices.

They even showed this video was was truly amazing. It's an awareness test, check it out if you have the time.

It's also important to think about how it would look together on the shelf instead of individually. And of course, to really look at how it stands out against the competition.

So many choices, so much information! How do you choose?

And some brand extensions don't make sense at all. For example did you know that Colgate actually came out with a Colgate Kitchen Entrees line? What the what?

Another WTF moment. You know Harley Davidson? Yeah, big bike bad boys riding around in leather jackets looking all tough and manly.

Yeah look what they came out with.
Birthday Decorating Kit

I love Apple's ads. Very simple, engaging and unique.

But then again it could all go wrong.

One campaign really stood out! It's the Marmite Love It or Hate it!

If you love it, you'll put it in your mouth. But if you hate it, turn the page upside down and it goes into the toilet bowl! Get it?

Here's another one. Depending on whether you love it or hate it, the Marmite will either be fully stocked in your fridge...or all dumped in the trash can

At the end of the day, it's how you look at things, delighting and engaging the consumers. Keep it simple! Be brave! Less is more!

Hope you learnt something today, I know I did ;-)

Open House 2010

2010-09-19T11:54:00.007+08:00

This year's open house was a huge success! I didn't invite many people as compared to previous years because I decided that this year, I only want the ones who matter the most to me to attend. Previously I was so busy being the hostess that I didn't even get to sit down and chat with my guests. This time, however, I got at least 5 minutes to spend and chat with my guests while running around being the hostess. I consider that a vast improvement already.

Anyways, guests started arriving at around 4 pm, mostly my sisters' friends. Amir was the first of my friends to attend although he had to leave for his father's birthday (which he totally forgot by the way).

Then my sister's friends started playing Guitar Hero which was actually one of our strategies to keep the teens entertained.

Then in between 6pm and 8pm things started to get out of hand so I didn't get to snap any photos at all. I can't even recall what happened then, only me running around making sure that my guests are comfortable. After 8pm guests started thinning out so I got to spend some time hanging out with my best friends!

Hanna has most of the photos in her camera anyway so I'm kinda counting on her to upload most of it. We actually had 2 whole roasted lambs and the best blackpepper sauce ever. And someone took this rare photo of Kechik smiling over the barbeque pit.

Mmmm....roasted lamb...yum...

Ah well, that pretty much sums up the open house that I had this year. Only this time I got a few pics out of it.

Tomorrow is a working day and I am already ruing over the fact that I will be going back to work after more than a week's worth of vacation. And my wedding is 10 weeks away! Arghhhhhh

Forgiveness

2010-09-16T23:48:00.002+08:00

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
- Mohandas Gandhi

This Eid I decided to cleanse my soul by putting away my pride and asking for forgiveness. I made a list consisting of people I inferred I had done the most wrong to then I proceeded to apologize for all my wrongdoings.

This year there was one particular person whom I specifically had to clear out all the stuff in the attic with. I came to that realization when I met him recently at his hometown. After talking to him for awhile I started understanding him a little better, something that I couldn't have done 5 or 10 years back.

I couldn't help him. I couldn't save him. I know this sounds condescending but he needed my help and I couldn't give it to him. The reason for that was simple. I was too young. Foolish. Naive. I couldn't guide him because I still didn't know who I was then. And because of that I had to walk away.

To this day I still can't help but feel like I left him in a lurch. That I abandoned him in time of need. So I said sorry, because I truly am. If only things were different, if only I was stronger and smarter, if only.

I still can't help him today but I hope that one day he will find someone who can.

How Things Have Changed

2010-09-16T23:02:00.002+08:00

It has been a relatively quiet Hari Raya celebration for me and my family. We spent it in Shah Alam as usual because my Odang is living here with us, but the difference this year is that a lot of my close relatives went back to their respective kampungs to celebrate with their other half.

So it was just 3-4 families max, and we didn't really make a coordinated effort to go and visit anyone so the mood was very sombre. Plus all the drama that happened on the first day of Raya didn't help either. My brother was late in coming downstairs for the salam session, my sister was shouting, then he was crying so I had to console him. Then my Odang was pushing for my sister to give the ring back (long story, don't ask), then she was crying so I had to console her. Then another one of my sisters started crying because she missed my dad, so I had to console her.

All the while I kept on wondering what my dad would've done in situations like these. I guessed he would've hugged it out. So I did. And to some extent it worked. My dad was a great hugger.

Ever since my father passed away I vowed to myself that I would never cry in front of my mother again because if she saw me do it then she would cry too. But a few days ago, for the first time in a long time, I cried in front of her. And I felt terrible.

We went to visit my father's grave in Ipoh and as usual recited dua's and etc. After everyone had left to visit another relative's grave on the other side of the cemetery I sat down beside the structure and started telling him things that I hoped God would relay to him.

I told him I was getting married soon and how I wished he could be there to give me away. I told him I missed him and how things have changed without him around.

Then I started crying. Naturally after my mother saw me she started crying too. 3 years have gone by you'd think I'd be able to turn it off by now. It's always been a struggle for me.

Struggle. I've been struggling at everything lately, my work, my personal life, my family. So many changes happening way too fast for me to keep up. I needed something constant to remain, something that has always been there all my life. Which is why I decided to do the one thing that I am moderately decent at again; writing.

So here I am.

Elevated Stress Levels

2009-10-22T18:34:00.002+08:00

I'm not feeling too good today, so the doctor gave me the day off. She said I was having a mild fever and some pains due to elevated stress levels, so she told me to chill out for awhile.

She also berated me for playing badminton yesterday, saying that I should know better. How was I supposed to know? I though some exercise would do me some good!

Anyways, hectic week. On Monday I spent the whole day in Mersing, then on Tuesday I was rushing to a CatMan meeting at an outlet then to a training session that lasted 2 days at the office. And after the training yesterday I went to play badminton with some guys at the office.

Today I was supposed to turn up at a brainstorming session that promised to last the whole day but here I am instead.

So tomorrow I'm gonna clear out a whole week's worth of e-mails in my computer then drive straight up to Melaka to check out the venue for the Annual Dinner on Saturday (I'm a committee member). Amir and Zaidi picked out a blue kimono for me to wear because I didn't have the time to get a costume.

Then on Sunday morning I'll be driving up to KL to spend some time with my family and Mr R, then drive back to JB in the evening.

Phew.

I'm listening to some jazz music now, just hanging out at home. My friends and I are going to Bangkok in December, and I am totally looking forward to that.

And how can I be afraid of commitment? Isn't it completely natural? To get married and live with the other person, pay bills together, have kids, grow old until one of you die.

But what if? Ten years down the road the other person decide that he's in love with someone else and comes home and tells you that he doesn't love you anymore? What if he says it's because you're ugly and have lots of stretch marks all over your body?

What if you wake up one day and decide that you can't stand to see the other person anymore? And what if you're scared to death of childbirth, the excruciating pain and the overwhelming responsibility of it all?

Would I be a good wife? A good mother? I haven't traveled the world yet. Am I done with my single life yet?

Erghhhh I'm too confused. Is he the one?

Amir was with his fiance for 12 years before she bowed out of the wedding at the last minute, changing her mind about him. Twelve years! I don't want to do that to him.

I have to be absolutely sure that he will not break my heart, and vice versa.

The Source of This Anxiety

2009-10-16T20:38:00.002+08:00

I've finally located the source of my anxiousness about the whole subject of marriage.

It's funny how I came to realise it for what it was while I was in the bathroom...but that's a different matter entirely.

I am afraid to hope.

That's it. That's why I didn't want to talk about it. That's why I didn't want to believe that it's really going to happen.

Because I am afraid of being disappointed again. I've so successfully detached myself from any kind of feeling at all that Hanna said I've become an emotional cripple.

And she's right to some extent. I cry and I can't find the reason why. I feel anxious and I struggle to locate the source.

It's like my feelings reside in a different person and I'm outside trying to decipher this other person's reaction.

It's kinda freaky.

If you hope too much and it fails, you'll only end up with a ton of pain.

And that's why I'm not 100% there yet. I'm sorry.

The Next Step

2009-10-15T22:13:00.002+08:00

Suddenly the prospect of getting hitched seems very real to me.

Forever seems like a very long time.

But all my friends have done it right? There's nothing to worry about.

It's a good thing. Doing something wrong is so easy, can feel so comfortable.

Then why is doing something right giving me the jitters?

Is this real? Is this really going to happen?

I'm not in denial.

I'm in a daze.

Here We Go Again

2009-08-21T21:22:00.001+08:00

I throw all of your stuff away
I’m gonna clear you out of my head
I tear you out of my heart
And ignore all your messages
I tell everyone we are through
'Cause I'm so much better without you
But it’s just another pretty lie
'Cause I break down
Every time you come around

So how did you get here under my skin?
I swore that I'd never let you back in
Should have known better in trying to let you go
'Cause here we go go go again
Hard as I try I know I can't quit
Something about you
is so addictive
We're falling together
you'd think that by now I'd know
cause here we go go go again

You never know what you want
And you never say what you mean
But I start to go insane
Every time that you look at me
You only hear half of what I say
And you're always showing up too late
And I know that I should say goodbye
But it's no use
Can't be with or without you
- Demi Lovato, Here We Go Again

What A Day...

2009-08-19T22:32:00.002+08:00

There is absolutely nothing good on tv! Ended up watching Buletin Utama for awhile.

I'm totally lovin' two songs right now; Eminem, Beautiful and Sean Paul, So Fine. Eminem's song is, as usual, his self-expression at how bad his life is and all that crap. I just like the music because the dramatic theme is close to how I'm feeling right now. And as for Sean Paul; it's just catchy.

Anyway I am, again, veering off the whole topic here. The point of this entry is to tell you about the horribly bizarre day that I had last Saturday.

I begun the day with anticipation. I was about to go to Melaka with a colleague of mine for an event that was scheduled to take place at around 1pm. So I waited and by 9am she was there.

I had earlier debated on whether it was easier to just drive up by myself, but in the interest of saving the company my mileage charges I car pooled.

Oh boy.

She was talking to me all the way there. That was fine. But then, whenever she spoke she would slow down to 80km/h on a freakin' highway! And her idea of driving is to step on the accelarator and then let it go...step on it a lil' bit, then let it go again. It was like that all the way! I was getting dizzy and annoyed, but of course I didn't show it.

She was after all, pretty gracious for allowing me to ride with her. I'm not that ungrateful, at least. However, a journey that usually takes 2 hours to reach the destination now took us FOUR FREAKIN' HOURS!! I could've reached KL driving at 110km/h in that whole time it took us to get there!!

Plus, I didn't get anything to eat because I didn't want us to be late (based upon my calculations of her speed and speech rate).

So we got there at last. No audience participation. I was livid. The outlet was clueless and they washed their hands off the whole event. We were running around trying to salvage what was left. I cannot believe that something that I worked my ass off for was falling apart.

The event was supposed to go on for half a day. In the end I cut it short after 2 hours. Total failure. Going back took us 3 hours (instead of 4) because I refused to speak to my colleague lest I lashed out and snapped at her. I had offered to drive but she had deemed me "unstable".

It took us 7 hours of travelling time to go for an event that went on for only 2 hours and became a total waste of everybody's time. I was inconsolable.

I went home, reached around 7pm. Texted Zaidi and he said he was modelling for an event at Angsana. I took a shower, stuffed my clothes into the washing machine and got ready to leave for Angsana with my camera. I locked and shut the front door behind me, put on my shoes and got ready to unlock the grill door.

No keys.

No keys? I scrambled around for it. Nowhere to be found. I was trapped. Trapped in the tiny area that was between my front door and the grill door. I tried jimmying the lock with an old card to no avail. Who am I kidding? I'm never going to get it unlocked.

I called Amir and told him in whispers about my predicament (didn't want my neighbours to know). 15 minutes later he showed up with his toolbox in hand. He tried to enter by my window but it was locked. So he ended up forcibly pulling the grill door open, and with a lot of noise it managed to swing out.

I was quite upset by this point. I was imprisoned for about 20 minutes before Amir freed me. We shut the door and I drove us to Mydin because there was a locksmith there and we want to ask if he could help open my front door.

It was around 8pm, and quite dark at the time. Amir went out first to walk to the locksmith's because there was an obstruction at the front. I was in the drivers seat. When the obstruction cleared, I moved to reverse park into a parking spot.

Suddenly this man came out of nowhere, flailing his arms about and walking unsteadily, attached himself to the side of my car and started banging on the doors and windows!! He was moaning and groaning like he was drunk or not right in the head (I couldn't tell) while he went around my car and to the back, banging on it.

I quickly checked my locks and thankfully it was secure. My mind was absolutely blank at that point of time. I was panicky. When he detached himself I slowly moved out of the space and picked up Amir. That's when I started shouting at him about that crazy guy who almost got into my car!

He told me to pull over so he could drive because he surmised that I was "emotionally unstable" and contacted another locksmith that came by an hour later. That uncle charged me RM60 just for opening my door, which I counted myself lucky because there was minimal damage.

It was by 10pm when Zaidi, Amir and I were hanging out at McD having dinner that I started laughing out loud at the day I was having. We started making jokes about each other and I knew everything was going to be alright.

At midnight Zaidi took us to Danga Bay at this midnight fun fair that I've never been to. We rode on some weird rollercoaster called Space Odyssey but had ghosts around the planets and stars (?). Then Amir and Zaidi played the bumper cars and we took funny photos around the fair.

I reached home at around 2am, finished off my laundry, and went to sleep thinking; what a day.

Ergh

2009-07-24T22:44:00.002+08:00

I didn't mean to set myself out as a career-focused woman, I just happened to turn out as one along the way. Hanna was right, I don't want to be an octogenarian bringing my kid to kindergarten with all the other young mums (ok maybe that's stretching it a bit but you get what I mean).

I don't care if anyone reads this entry or not, there are things that I need to get off my chest be it self-absorbed rantings or whatnot (bloody hell, it's still my blog isn't it?).

I thought I could juggle many things at once, personal life, friends, colleagues, work, charity (?) and family. But I can't. I find that I have been spending more and more time on my job without spending enough time on myself.

Call it climbing the corporate ladder or some crap like that, the problem with me is I actually have an attention span of a 5 year-old. I like solitude one day, company the next. I can be incredible passion for what I'm doing and turn away at the drop of a hat.

I like challenges, the rush, the adrenaline, the deadlines, but then again, I also hate it. It's un-freaking-believable, this monologue in my head. There's like 2 people battling out interests in my mind and me switching sides all the time.

I don't expect anyone to understand, so don't even try to. If I get out now, I have somewhere to go to. But once I go there, I can never go anywhere again. Just the thought of having somewhere to go is comforting, but also stifling.

I want to meet a good guy, but then again God only gives you what you need and not what you want. Then can someone tell me what I really need??

Emotional turmoil brewing inside me everyday, building up like a pressure cooker. One day I feel like I'm gonna lose it. The reason I'm going a little cuckoo now is because on top of the battling forces within me, I have to confront my biggest headache -relationships.

Things are not going the way I want it to be. Why do I feel numb?? Obsession is the only real strong feeling I have here.

I have to get away, get a new change of pace.

Tensi

2009-07-19T17:06:00.002+08:00

Argh!!!!

Sudah lah!!

I hate relationships, they're too complicated for me!

I wanna be on my own for awhile.

Over and out.

Listen To Me

2009-07-19T16:45:00.002+08:00

I don't like the voices in my head. It tells me things that are unreal, create events that will never happen, evoke emotions that encourages foolishness on my part.

Are you reading this? Do you know how I feel about you? I hate that this is a one-sided affair.

Don't encourage foolish dreams. We are way too old for this crap. Either move on or get out.

Don't jerk me around!

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-21T14:39:00.003+08:00

It's a Sunday. I think it's Father's Day. I'm not sure. I must've heard it on the radio just now.

I guess I should say something while we're on the topic. I had a painful realization the other day. A really close friend didn't call to wish me happy birthday. In fact I kinda waited all day for him to call me and the call never came.

All sorts of things ran through my mind, but ultimately it ended with me having this gripping fear in my heart that the person had a horrible accident and died, and no one informed me about it. I had chills.

I took a step back to reassure myself that nobody died, that he just forgot to call. Then I tried to recall how many times this happened; that whenever a person didn't call or show up on time I would automatically think that something horrible had happened to him/her.

That's when I realized that it happens far too many times than I would like to acknowledge. I recall being on the phone with my mom, she was telling me that she was just on her way back from Ipoh to KL on a rainy night. Instant fear gripped my heart. What if something bad happens to her on the way? What if something horribly goes wrong? How do I take care of everyone else?

In retrospect, I didn't have these feelings before. Up until I finished college, I was totally fine. Totally normal. That is, up until my father died. That's when I started being a total screwed-up nutball.

Losing a father so abruptly, it totally strips a person of a sense of security. I was insecure about everything. It makes me think of death all the time. It forced me to grow up more quickly, to see things through adult eyes and understanding.

It makes me think twice about crying. It makes me less selfish, speak more on the lines of "us" than "me".

It's still pretty difficult to talk about my dad in any way. Mostly because I try to block out the memory as much as I can. It makes me swallow great lumps of tears back down my throat.

Mr. R's mom says it's ok to cry. But it's not. I cannot stress enough on the word. It's simply not okay! Somebody has to be strong. If everybody cries then there'll be no one left to rely on. In some ways, it is better to be single. Because whenever I cry, I don't have to explain to anyone. It's easier that way.

Now I see what a great gift you have given me dad. I was able to walk around without a care in the world, and it was just easier to rely on you to do all the worrying and thinking and planning for everyone. My only regret was not being able to understand all that before and thank you for it.

Happy Father's Day.

ps. The friend called me the day after, it turned out he just forgot.

I Am Not In The Mood

2009-05-23T17:23:00.000+08:00

I will try again later.

Musings Again and Again

2009-03-22T21:58:00.002+08:00

Random things running through my mind;

1. I'm going to Istanbul next month. Tang wants me to buy him cikolata (Turkish for chocolate) and En. Rahman wants me to buy him an ashtray.

2. Need to get a jacket, weather is cold.

3. I'm going to the Coldplay concert tomorrow in Singapore.

4. Am also attending the Cats play with Zaidi (and possibly Hanna). I've been wanting to watch it for a long time but I thought it was discontinued.

5. I really want to watch Stomp.

6. I'm going to Redang in 2 weeks time.

7. Mr. R said that I have a short fuse for people who ask questions that I think are stupid.

8. I want to quit my job and read books for a living. Maybe I can become a book critic of sorts. Or a writer.

9. My friends say I should write a book. I'm thinking they just want to read something to fill up their time.

10. I need to buy an outfit.

A Battle Won

2009-03-08T20:50:00.003+08:00

Extremely busy past two weeks, and it's bound to be busier for the next 3 weeks or so.

Anyways, I was really struggling with the workload handed to me lately. We just had a huge national sales convention at Sunway last week which Zaidi and I were left in charge of. Organizing something of that scale for 270 people to be seen by the entire Nestle sales team comprising of 1400+ people including top management was nerve-wrecking.

There was so much to be done, too much pressure, too much politics. I do thank God that I had Zaidi who become my rock whenever I went crazy.

In addition to that, whilst busy organizing the sales convention presentation, I was also asked to take charge of a new product launching. A freakin' 2 days before it was supposed to happen!

For that I was totally pissed. Aside from juggling my mountainous pile of work and the sales convention, suddenly they dumped this on me? That was totally unfair.

I'm glad everything went well for that one. The only thing that made it harder for me was the fact that I was sick throughout the whole two weeks until today.

Yes I know that I'm whining but after what I've been put through lately, I totally don't really care anymore. Two days before the sales convention in KL, my uncle passed away. We were really close when I was young so I truly felt the loss.

In the end, after all the hard work, the sweat, pain and blood put into the effort, the endless fighting, the struggle uphill, the emotional turmoil, it was all worth it.

We won best branch as voted by the top management. When Zaidi and I ran up to the stage to shake the hand of the directors, it was all worth it. When I held the trophy that weighed a freakin 5 kilos over my head and jumped about in joy in front of everyone, I was on top of the world.

It was total and absolute recognition for all that we've been through. It was even worth it to skip breakfast that day and wake up at 5am to ensure our displays were up to par.

I felt I've been through a battle, and emerged winning the war. I'm glad things turned out ok.

I've never had so much dandruff in my entire life.

With that said, I'm out.

Gotta Eat More Spinach

2009-02-21T20:59:00.010+08:00

Here I am at home again. It's been a hectic, hectic week. So hectic in fact, I was trying to remember what happened the day before and I couldn't. Whatever that happened on Monday seemed like it happened 2 weeks ago.

I need a break. And not a break at the city to shop or sightsee. I always find it stressful to take a vacation in the city, especially to a place I've never been before. There's always the pressure to do everything and go everywhere with the limited time given to me.

So yeah, I have finally discovered that my "vacations" to Bali, Bangkok and Istanbul were actually adding on to my stress and not alleviating it. And in the end, I realised that the only place that keep popping up in my mind whenever I felt that I couldn't take it anymore was the beach.

Pristine white sand, clear blue water and blue skies. No sights to see, the only tourist thing to do is snorkelling. And at night, lying down on the beach and looking at the stars. My ideal vacation spot.

Not a place where when I come home from there, I become so darn tired and feel the need to take a vacation from the vacation that I just had.

So yeah, after the doctor told me that I have low-blood pressure due to stress, I'm taking a vacation. My blood pressure have always been normal til recently. And I do know that having low-blood pressure is better than having high-blood pressure.

But I also had a nasty jolt when I realised that I'm getting older. These things happen to adults. I forgot that I'm not a teenager anymore with zero health complications and can eat or drink anything without thinking twice.

Watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button the other day, I was struck by the sheer profound-ness of the message. I started imagining myself, old and infirmed. What would be the memories that I leave behind? What would be my legacy?

On a totally unrelated topic, I do feel like my friends have lives that would put soap operas to shame.

Since there is a confidentiality clause here I will not say more.

Anyways, my inability to say "no" to people whenever they ask me out (ie. lunch, dinner, vacation, bungee jumping) have gotten me into trouble again. I've been asked to go to the Coldplay concert in Singapore. And I said okay without even asking about the ticket price. It turned out that I have to fork out RM 450 to watch a band that I only passingly like. I've gotta learn to say no to people.

Ok, enough thinking for now.

Been reading Baby Blues like crazy. I dunno. it just reminds me of my family.

This one is for you, Dad.

A Template Change

2009-02-08T16:38:00.002+08:00

This is what happens when you have too much time on your hands.

Read Between the Lines

2009-01-26T19:01:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it seems to me that if you want to get a boyfriend that's;

pleasant looking
intelligent
speaks English
not a commitment-phobe
financially stable
comes from a good family
tall
well-read
gets along with your family
gets along with your friends
has transportation
funny
has leadership qualities
charming
wants to just really take care of you

...you have to take off your tudung and be more obvious than subtle.

Nowadays guys just look at the obvious, they don't notice the subtle.

I've been reading the book He's Just Not That Into You by Greg and Liz (which has been made into a movie by the way).

It tells us women how to tell if a guy is just not into us. Like the obvious signs that they give like not calling and not wanting to get married and stuff. And also how women keep on making excuses for the reasons they don't do these things.

Whatever, the main point is that women keep on denying the obvious signs that we already see and understand but we keep on clinging to that desperate hope that maybe, maybe he just forgot or maybe he got hit by a bus and is suffering from temporary amnesia and that's why he didn't call.

I got the message. I'm moving on.

Ciao.

Gym-tastic

2009-01-17T14:22:00.003+08:00

I'm at Vivo's Tebrau City. Kenyang giler! I had a salad and a pasta all by myself. Dah lame tak kenyang macam ni.

Fuh.

First week at the gym. My trainer is this super nice Filipino lady who took all my measurements then proceeded to bully me into working out. So I've been going there almost everyday to do my weight training and cardio.

The first few days were p.a.i.n.f.u.l. Beyond words. I never thought that I could turn out to be such a weak, whiny old lady after a few years of neglected workout. My muscles hurt, it was difficult to breathe, painful to bend down, hurts just to laugh or lift my arm.

But then I pulled myself back to the gym and doubled the pain by training my already-painful muscles to submission.

The next morning the soreness was gone.

Huh.

Who would've thought that the answer to less pain is more pain?

Anyways, I'm learning correct ways to use gym equipment and also tightening up my muscles. Later my trainer said I will proceed to build endurance and then weight loss. Weight loss can only be achieved by cardio. That means treadmill, biking and the recliner (at least I think that's what it's called).

With my injured toe there's no way that I can do that much treadmill.

Ok sorry, jock stuff.

I hope my enthusiasm for a slimmer body will pull me to the gym as often as I am going now. I'm just a bit scared that I'll lose momentum and motivation.

On an unrelated note, I keep having to remind myself to not fall for someone else too quickly else I will be sorely disappointed or he will just end up being a rebound guy.

Or I will find out that the guy has a steady girlfriend already and they're about to get married. Arghhhh

Doesn't do to crash and burn. I wonder how it would feel like to spend the rest of my life alone.

At times like these I truly miss my father. I wonder what advice he would give me when I'm feeling this way. I'm kinda sad I wasn't smart enough to ask him when he was still around.

Strangely enough, there's always this little part of me that strongly believes I will die young and single. Enough of self-absorbed rantings.

One last thought; I was reading the Time Magazine's Person of The Year issue featuring Barack Obama the other day. I saw the level of hope that people were putting on him, the inspiration that he has become...and I really wish that he delivers.

He will become either the most inspiring modern leader of all times, or the biggest disappointment the people have ever had.

With that, I'm outtie.

While Browsing...

2009-01-11T14:10:00.002+08:00

I don't browse Friendster that much nowadays, ever since I got my Facebook account. I am of mind that Facebook presents a much neater page, and is definitely more fun that Friendster.

So, even though I have more friends there, I don't check on it much.

Today is one of those rare days that I actually browse through it.

I was looking for one particular friend, actually. I was browsing through his page when I realised that I truly missed him.

It came as a surprise, really. I didn't expect to be hit this hard. We haven't seen each other in years. And I could tell he was avoiding me.

It's justice playing out I suppose, him leading a full life with nary a thought for me. And I, alone, suddenly missing him like mad.

No, I'm not hoping. Just wistful.

He was a great friend.

The War

2009-01-10T19:15:00.002+08:00

As of today, 800 Palestinians have been killed.

3000 Palestinians are wounded.

Countless more have become refugees.

On the other hand:

13 Israelis have been killed.

It pains me to watch the news on this war in Gaza. It hurts me to see the pictures of children in white shrouds, bloody all over. But I have to keep on watching the news, I have to keep on looking at the pictures.

I can't pretend that this is not happening. I cannot ignore what's going on in Palestine. To do so would be equal to turning my back to them and their suffering.

What are the Israelis doing?? I can clearly see this is no longer self-defence. This is a blatant attack on Palestinian citizens. They no longer care what the world has to say about it.

To them; I have the Americans backing me up, there's nothing that you can do. No protests, no demonstration, no burning of flags and effigies are going to stop them from attacking.

And the sad thing is, the number of Palestinian civilians killed are rising everyday. And no one is stepping up to help them. No one dares. Not the Arabs with all their money in the world. Not the Muslims who are poor and weak and disunited.

They go unopposed, a law unto its own, free to do whatever they want. I am trying to figure this out; is this an attack against Hamas? Or is this a form of genocide, ethnic cleansing like what Hitler did during WW2?

Or...is this an attack against Islam?

The Americans are really asking for it this time. By backing Israel, they've increased the hatred of the international community for them to new heights. If they thought all they had to worry about were extremists, now they even have moderates rooting for them to be brought down.

It surprises me even more when I discovered that most of my Chinese colleagues are backing this war. They say that the newspaper never publishes the photos of Israelis killed. They claim that all those killings are justified. They claim all Palestinians are extremists and should be killed anyway.

It's stupefying really. Can't they compare the numbers? The sophistication of weapons against rocks and molotov cocktails? And the fact that it was Palestinian land that was stolen in the first place?

I have many things to think about, a lot to ponder.

Is this a sure sign that Judgment Day is coming?

It is times like these that I start to wonder at how insignificant my problems are compared to everything else that's happening in the world at this point of time.

And now I have to decide how I am to react, and where I stand in this war.

A Lesson in Love

2009-01-04T21:18:00.002+08:00

Yesterday my big sister, in an attempt to cheer me up, took me out to do some girlie stuff with her (also single) girlfriends. We went to do our hair, did some hair removal, watched a movie, window shopping, had Mexican food, and later had dessert at Fridays.

I think I was like a gloomy little black cloud hanging over their heads as we walked around Pavilion because they kept turning and telling me (in a sympathetic manner) not to feel so miserable. I was seriously trying to look cheerful for their sakes, and I guess I failed.

Anyways, thanks for the effort guys! I appreciated the fact that you were trying your very best. I guess it's just like Hazel said, I was feeling quite alone in a room full of people.

I was rereading all my previous blogs from beginning to end and I discovered a significant difference between my current postings and the earlier ones. The entries posted when my father was still alive were considerably more bubbly and cheerful than the ones posted after he was gone.

I suppose there was no helping it. Events like that do have a way of changing people.

Did I tell you that I've been on my longest ever leave ever since I started working? Almost 2 weeks. I must concede that even though it was in some ways unintentional, it was necessary time taken off for me to make some life-altering decisions.

The really long holiday with nothing planned for it but some lazy-ass lounging on the sofa was really good for me. I had time to rethink some of the decisions I've made in my life and even made some new ones.

Before this I did not have the time nor the energy to spend on thinking about stuff. It's also purely coincidental that this happened in time for new year's.

Oddly this little bit of memory keep on coming back to me. I was at Burger King near campus having lunch with a friend. We were discussing on the subject of relationships and one-time flings with other friends when he suddenly turned to me and said;

"You're not the type of girl who goes on flings. If you do get into a relationship, you go in for the long-haul. I can tell."

That was really weird because until then I thought I was capable of short-term relationships. Meaningless, fun, friendly and painless. Then I realised that I couldn't. He was right.

I don't know whether that's good or bad.

Every relationship teaches you something. In this one, I've learned to recognise what I want from a person if I am to commit myself to him. If he cannot give me what I'm asking for, then it's just not worth it. Even if he is incredibly gorgeous and smart and surprisingly soulmate-material.

I don't regret the time I've spend with these people. I've tried my best and I gave my all. It just didn't work out.

I'm driving back to JB in the morning. I'll see ya around.

Ciao.

Annoying Brother

2009-01-04T10:18:00.001+08:00

Brahim!!

You little sh*t!!

Why the heck did you register me up for Match.com???

2009

2009-01-02T12:03:00.002+08:00

1. Join a gym and hire personal trainer

2. Lessen stretch marks around body

3. Improve sense of style

4. Focus on career - prove to big boss that I am able to take the managerial position offered even though I don't want it

5. Be more organised and disciplined

6. Stock fridge with veggies and fruits and NOT candy or biscuits

7. Do my prayers

8. Meet new people

9. Try not to run off to a foreign country as a means to escape any difficulty in life

In The End

2009-01-02T10:58:00.002+08:00

Five years.

I have to admit that for the last 2 years or so I knew it was coming.

I was just too stubborn to admit it as a real possibility.

I thought that if I just worked for it hard enough, just willed it to work, it would eventually.

In the end, it was like pushing against a body of water. No amount of force could make it yield the shape that you want it to be. After years and years of struggling it's still that same stagnant body of water and I could almost see my efforts slip through my fingers.

Stagnant. I suppose that's the correct word for our situation.

There was no progress. It was still the same after all these years. As long as we were together we could not move forward.

It was strange really. In the end, there was just resignation in my heart. The sort of feeling that you get after a very, very long day. All you want to do is go to bed and sleep.

I could tell it was real this time. It was mutually agreed. No tears, just simple goodbyes. We both knew it was coming.

It had to be done.

There's no use looking back at all that was. I guess there's no use fighting fate. If we're not meant to be, then we're not meant to be. I learnt that there's nothing in the world that you can do to change that fact if that's just how it was preordained.

I am just so tired. Weary. Exhausted. I give up. I know when I'm licked.

I'm waiting for the tears that have not come. Perhaps I simply have none left to spare.

It's been five years since I've been on a first date. Am I too old for it? Will I ever find another person who could give me all the things that I'm asking for?

You know what? I don't care. If there is someone else out there for me, then I will wait. If there isn't then I will be happy just being by myself.

For now I truly hope that I will be able to handle the loneliness that comes with this choice.

In the very end, the only person that you could count on is...yourself.

A Plead for Company

2008-12-21T18:11:00.003+08:00

I'm going to be on leave from the 24th of December to the 1st of January.

I need something to do. Anyone wanna hang out?

I didn't realize how much of a loner I have become until I went back home a week ago and spent the entire day up in my room all by myself reading.

I've become somewhat of a recluse. I need some new people in my life.

Or maybe some of the same ones.

I don't know.

All I know is that I really need a break and I need it fast.

I can't wait to be home, I truly miss my family.

I don't know how much longer I can stand being so far away.

I know this much; this experience of living all by myself and being independent has taught me that I can pretty much be on my own anywhere. If I wanted to up and leave to another country and be by myself for awhile, I'm positive that I can do it.

Sometimes it disturbs me how comfortable I am being alone. Like it doesn't matter if there weren't anybody else in my world.

I like Starbucks' Iced Caramel Macchiato. I started having it since I read in an article that it's less fattening than an Iced Caffe Latte.

Ok I'm veering off the subject here.

I'm not so in love with Edward Cullen anymore, which is a good thing. That means I can finally start functioning like a normal human being and not some obsessed love-struck teenager.

Ok I gotta go.

Ciao.

Isketambola

2008-12-21T17:03:00.008+08:00

I know that this happened like months ago, but I don't really care. I'm gonna blog about it anyway.

I miss Istanbul. I've never fell so in love with a place that I've visited. The people (who are all gorgeous by the way) are so welcoming. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to quit my job and go backpacking around Turkey.

I didn't even bring a camera. I captured all this on my camera phone.

Europe side of ancient Istanbul. It was hot and I insisted that we sit at the cafe overlooking the city anyway. I couldn't resist the view. The coffee was good though. Besides, I needed a tan *flip hair to the back*.

Eyup Sultan. Resting place of a companion of the Prophet. We did not learn of this until much later. Due to our Turkish driver's limited English, we thought it was the resting place of the Prophet's butler or something. It turned out that he was a good friend who supposedly spent one year living at his house.

The inside of the Blue Mosque. There were, of course, tons of tourists around but the place was so huge that I didn't mind. I kept imagining being thrown back into time and walking around the mosque in my beautiful, flowing robe...sigh...

I'm guessing these kids were on a school trip to Hagia Sophia, because they were so darn happy about it that they kept shouting hello and waving to all the tourists that passed by. Cute kids though.

I am lord of this domain...
View from the immensely huge Topkapi Palace.

The fountain at the harem in Topkapi Palace. One amusing story that the tour guide told us was that the Sultan used to line all his wives and concubines up in this corridor and throw gold coins at them for Aidiladha. They would go into a frenzy while pushing each other to grab the coins off the floor for themselves.

Walking down the path to the second gate from Topkapi Palace. It was so beautiful, you could have a picnic on the green grass and play with the cats if they allowed it.

Ah well... beautiful Istanbul... I will visit you again someday, I promise you.

2008-12-21T15:56:00.002+08:00

I am weary.

It is a weariness of the soul, restlessness of spirit that plagues me. I find that I am unsatisfied with the way things are.

I am perpetually tired. I cannot find interest in things, and even if I do, it is fleeting. Eventually this feeling will rise again and when it is gone... I go on looking for other things.

I cannot even watch a movie with full concentration. I force myself to watch a DVD, then I get bored and I switch to another movie. This goes on 5 more times before I decide to switch off the TV.

I pick up a book (I bought 9 new books in the past month), read the first chapter, lose interest then switch to a comic book. Then I toss it across the room, and switch to reading another book. When I finally decide that none of these books are interesting enough to hold my attention, I go out and get a few more to ignite curiosity.

I feel like there is a cavern in my chest with nothing to fill it up. This emptiness, the aloneness.

At work, it is the same, if not worse. I can get nothing done. I find that there is no meaning to my job. I am not needed, dispensable. Too much work, too much pressure, too much frustration.

And when I am looking out the window, I see this in my mind.

And I think; maybe there's something there.

Just as long as it quells this emptiness in my soul.

Out and away....

2008-10-22T15:58:00.003+08:00

Guest blogger here..i'm here to inform to all those who actually read this blog, that the blogger is out of town for a week so expect a new post by her next week or later. it's gonna be one of those long posts and there will be pics.

Interesting fact for today!!
Cockroaches are clean creatures. yes, CLEAN. they actually groom themselves as a cat would. can you imagine something like that? i found it hilarious the first i saw that on Nat Geo.

Stuff you find on the net

2008-10-05T12:41:00.004+08:00

25 Fascinating Love Facts

Love is a many-splendored thing … and a very surprising thing, too. As if you needed proof of that, here are 25 funny little facts about love. Study them, scratch your head over them, and share them with someone you fancy.

1. Men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer than those who don't.

2. People are more likely to tilt their heads to the right when kissing instead of the left (65 percent of people go to the right!)

3. When it comes to doing the deed early in the relationship, 78 percent of women would decline an intimate rendezvous if they had not shaved their legs or underarms.

4. Feminist women are more likely than other females to be in a romantic relationship.

5. Two-thirds of people report that they fall in love with someone they've known for some time vs. someone that they just met.

6. There's a reason why office romances occur: The single biggest predictor of love is proximity.

7. Falling in love can induce a calming effect on the body and mind and raises levels of nerve growth factor for about a year, which helps to restore the nervous system and improves the lover's memory.

8. Love can also exert the same stress on your body as deep fear. You see the same physiological responses — pupil dilation, sweaty palms, and increased heart rate.

9. Brain scans show that people who view photos of a beloved experience an activation of the caudate — the part of the brain involving cravings.

10. The women of the Tiwi tribe in the South Pacific are married at birth.

11. The "Love Detector" service from Korean cell phone operator KTF uses technology that is supposed to analyze voice patterns to see if a lover is speaking honestly and with affection. Users later receive an analysis of the conversation delivered through text message that breaks down the amount of affection, surprise, concentration and honesty of the other speaker.

12. Eleven percent of women have gone online and done research on a person they were dating or were about to meet, versus seven percent of men.

13. Couples' personalities converge over time to make partners more and more similar.

14. The oldest known love song was written 4,000 years ago and comes from an area between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers.

15. The tradition of the diamond engagement ring comes from Archduke Maximillian of Austria who, in the 15th century, gave a diamond ring to his fiancée, Mary of Burgundy.

16. Forty-three percent of women prefer their partners never sign "love" to a card unless they are ready for commitment.

17. People who are newly in love produce decreased levels of the hormone serotonin — as low as levels seen in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Perhaps that's why it's so easy to feel obsessed when you're smitten.

18. Philadelphia International Airport finished as the No. 1 best airport for making a love connection, according to an online survey.

19. According to mathematical theory, we should date a dozen people before choosing a long-term partner; that provides the best chance that you'll make a love match.

20. A man's beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex.

21. Every Valentine's Day, Verona, the Italian city where Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet took place, receives around 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet.

21. When we get dumped, for a period of time we love the person who rejected us even more, says Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University and author of Why We Love. The brain regions that lit up when we were in a happy union continue to be active.

22. People telling the story of how they fell in love overwhelmingly believe the process is out of their control.

23. Familiarity breeds comfort and closeness … and romance.

24. One in five long-term love relationships began with one or both partners being involved with others.

25. OK, this one may not surprise you, but we had to share it: Having a romantic relationship makes both genders happier. The stronger the commitment, the greater the happiness!

posted by Guest Blogger

1 Month Dead and Still Going Strong!

2008-09-15T20:11:00.003+08:00

The reason why I didn't blog for about a month or so was because I was too busy running around cleaning up someone else's mess that I didn't even get the chance to flip open my laptop.

But hey, I'm back and I'm stronger than ever.

I gotta tell ya, the first month being in JB and taking care of a problematic dealer was pure hell for me. I thought about quitting every single day. I didn't wanna get out of bed. I didn't wanna go to the office. I didn't wanna eat anything (ok that's a lie but I did somehow neglect my health. All I wanted to do was go home to KL.

I was thinking, "Hell, I don't need to deal with this crap. Do I really wanna spend my life cleaning up someone else's mess and not even be appreciated for it? It's not like I really need this job anyway."

Yeah so that's how bad it got. I mean, what's the point of staying in a job that you hate anyway? It's not like I had starving kids waiting for me at home.

Ok that was a little mean.

But I stayed on.

And dealt with everything. So much so that I became numb. So now I'm hanging out at Starbucks with my laptop that Mr. R keeps saying that I need to upgrade.

Moving to JB was fine. My apartment totally rock and I'm getting a new car.

I should receive the car in another 2 weeks when my company issues the cheque for it. I was trying to decide between getting a Honda City, Toyota Vios and a Hyundai Accent. After a lot of soul searching, I decided to get the Hyundai Accent because it was value for money and I fell in love with it at first sight because it was everything that I was looking for in a car.

It was cheap, had all the features that I want (eg. air bags, leather seats, kick-ass sound system etc) and fuel efficient. So I got it immediately the next day.

Anyways, job-wise everything is ok now, I guess. It's Ramadhan, and I get too tired to care about any crap that comes my way so I'm laying low for the time being.

I won't be doing this job for much longer anyways. They're reassigning me another position on 1st November.

Ah dang it! I forgot to send my materials for tailoring! Arghhh this is gonna be the worst Raya ever! It'll be the first time ever that I'm gonna be wearing store bought clothing that never seems to fit me.

I'm going back by flight on the 30th and returning on 7th morning. I figured 2 days leave is all that I can afford seeing as I'm likely to be going somewhere else in October.

And I really hate being on the busy, busy, busy highway during the festive season. I hope I'll get to see all my pals for Raya! Please do gimme a call and we can go raya-ing all over the place.

I'm broke!

Ok I gotta go.

Ciao.

Did I tell ya?

2008-07-27T17:48:00.003+08:00

I'm being transferred to JB. I got the letter of transfer like 2 weeks ago. So many things happened all at once that I don't even know where to start.

Ok let's begin chronologically.

I went to Bali on the 11th. Stayed at this really nice place at Kuta called The Vira Bali, about 5 minutes walk to town. I really did the tourist thing, went to see a volcano, tasted coffee and cocoa at the hillside, went snorkelling, shopping for souvenirs, and went for a massage every single day.

I didn't know how relaxed I felt after the vacation until I started tidying up my house immediately after I got back. Before, I was so stressed out that I didn't want to clean up anything. So that was a good sign. And I don't feel like killing myself anymore.

That was a joke.

Ok, unfunny. Anyways, after the vacation I was busy throughout the weekend at this carnival (of sorts) selling Nestle stuff. We had a booth at a tent in the middle of the UTHM field in Parit Raja. That was 3 days of my life wasted. It rained every single day and I had to muck around in the mud, protecting the merchandise.

After that I got sick and took a day off, watched all the 15 DVDs that I brought back home from Bali (RM5 a piece! How could I resist?). It mostly consists of 30 Rock. The next day went apartment-hunting at JB with my ma and sister.

I know this sounds like a wrong thing to do, but I picked out the first and only apartment that I saw. I figured it would be such a hassle to look at a lot of apartments and I didn't really have the time for it anyway. The rent is RM800, and I've been told that it's the standard price in JB so I agreed.

A world of difference from my current place in Yong Peng that I'm only paying RM120 for.

After that I really started running around organizing my Nescafe Tarik contest. I didn't even have time to think about moving to JB! Banners, participants, backdrops, venues, sampling etc. If nobody shows up then I'm dead. This was one of those things that I really had to pull off, so many people were counting on me to make it a success.

The stage looked amazing!

Please don't spill anything on me...

Sleep deprived ol' me wishing this hell was over and done with...

And it was a huge success! Even though I must've had a heart attack like 10 freakin times that day, I pulled it off. This was the greatest parting gift that God could have given me. At least I could leave Yong Peng feeling like I'm on top of the world.

That was yesterday. I'm still running around checking to make sure that the Nescafe Karaoke event that they're having today is going off without a hitch, and etc.

Did I mention that I'm flying off to Bangkok on the 31st? It was a last minute thing, and I managed to get some time off. I'm officially moving on the 9th, so in the meantime I'll be staying at a hotel for a week.

Ok, someone just called me telling me that my boss is coming over to check on the Nescafe Karaoke thingy so I have to leave.

Did I also mention that one of the movies that I watched was P.S. I Love You? I cried for an hour watching that stupid movie. I didn't know it was going to be so sad. And on another note, these guys threw me a farewell party last Friday. It was a nice dinner, and some karaoke afterwards. I'm really touched.

I'll miss Yong Peng for sure, and all my friends. But I always knew that this wasn't gonna last forever.

Off to a new adventure! And a new chapter in my life!

Muar From My Hotel Room

2008-06-29T12:36:00.002+08:00

Random Thoughts

2008-06-29T12:19:00.002+08:00

I can't believe I'm working this weekend. This totally sucks.

It's been a year since I've had a proper holiday.

OMG! I'm going to Bali next week!

In a month I'm going to be officially confirmed as a permanent employee!

Has it really been a year already?

Now that everyone is wearing it and there are cheap knock-offs available in stores, are Ipanema sandals all that stylish anymore?

I'm going to get a massage.

I'm Moving

2008-06-29T11:51:00.002+08:00

I am blogging from Old Town, Batu Pahat. And I can dare say this may very well be the last time that I will be blogging from here.

As usual, there's blaring music in the background as a karaoke competition is underway. Apparently it's being sponsored by Celcom.

Y'see, I'm leaving Batu Pahat, Yong Peng and the like. Once I leave, I don't think I'll return. They're transferring me to JB for my next phase of training.

I have mixed feelings about this move. I remember wanting to be based in JB so badly about a year ago. Now that I am actually getting what I wished for, I don't really want it anymore.

I know that I'll be having a different boss who's inefficient and ineffective. I know that this part of the training will be really difficult. The dealer is damn difficult to manage. I'll be farther away from KL!! The one person in JB that I truly feel comfortable with will be moving to KL as I will be the one taking his place.

On the other hand, I just have to stick it out for 8 months and then I will be able to return to PJ, forever.

I'll be leaving all these warm people I know. I guess I'll have to just all over again.

Dream On!

2008-06-24T18:57:00.002+08:00

Hanna Rabittah said in her blog;

I should find myself a real job. I guess, I have to abandon my everlasting desire to be a housewife. Not that I cannot be one. Its just that if I were to be become one, there'll be financial conflicts. I wouldn't want my family to live in a difficult state. So, I guess I'm left with no choice but to work and earn myself a salary every month.

You're damn right Hanna!! I wanna be a hip, urban mom like Mr. R's mama, driving a Rexton and taking my kids travelling anywhere and everywhere with all my pals in tow...

But sigh... it's only something that I get to think about, not actually do. I'll be working for the rest of my life hating my job.

Arghh!!!

I used to think that women who have degrees and masters and became a stay-home mom were such a waste of talent. I used to think that they were weak and was forced into doing it by their husbands.

But after this, I *KNOW* that their choice to stay home is in actual fact sheer genius on their part!!

I hate waking up really early in the mornings to go to work.

I hate going to work.

I hate having to be so far away from home.

I hate having to be so far away from civilization.

I hate having to drive back to Yong Peng at 4am on Monday morning.

...............................But I dearly love the money!

Woohoo!!!!

Now someone else has to go out and earn it for me.

Hehehehe....

Yummy Men...

2008-06-01T18:02:00.003+08:00

Do you see the similarities in all these men whom I have huge crushes on?

Memories in My Head

2008-05-27T17:44:00.002+08:00

Minggu ni asyik kena marah je. Cam tah hape hape.

Ye la aku paham ade sesetengah bende tu memang salah aku, tapi takleh ke cakap baik-baik?

Ok so that concludes my ranting in Malay, I do find that ranting in Malay is satisfying in an odd sort of way. Hm.

So last weekend was spent in KL, hanging out with mah cousins and all watching Indiana Jones 4. It was as usual, awesome, because Harisson Ford was awesome. I had a huge crush on him when I was a kid and even though he's old and wrinkly now I still think he's hot.

It turned out that we were all accessories to something bigger that was going on that day. Mr. R and I were roped into a double date with my sister at Sushi Zanmai! I was totally hell bent on leaving the two of them alone on their first date but Mr. R betrayed me by forcibly escorting me to the outlet because my sister told him to.

What audacity!

In any case, all went well. The guy seems like a fun, normal human being so I'm ok with him dating my sister I guess.

Today I did absolutely nothing in the office. I hung out, surfed the internet (obviously my boss is not around), and went home to read The Elenium, the trilogy by David Eddings. So the company is paying me hundreds of bucks for doing nothing today.

I'm tired!!

Got back at midnight last night doing some selling at restaurants around the area for a project...ah whatever. I am just exhausted.

EXHAUSTED. Soul weary. My best friend has dropped off the face of the earth, and suddenly I'm longing to meet someone I haven't met for a long time.

I feel that every time I see him, there's always something new, some subtle change that I detect. And I feel that I am missing out on something, and that I am just a fleeting part of his life story.

Everytime, he becomes more mature, a little bit more weary of life. And I suspect he struggles with his conscience and issues of his soul. There are times when I could almost reach out to him, but he always pulls away.

Ah, what am I rambling on and on about. I just wonder about things at times. It wouldn't make sense to you.

Y'know, at times when I'm driving long distance by myself, I get random bits of memories passing through my head out of nowhere, sometimes totally unrelated to one another.

Like me at Desaru, lying down by myself on the beach chair under some palm trees and just looking up at the stars, wondering if anyone is looking back down on me...

Like me holding my dad's hand walking down this path at a hotel in Langkawi after it rained, while he explained to me about birds...

Like me at age 8, stroking my grandma's hair and she told me how sad she was that I'd be moving to Ipoh soon...

Like my friends and I when they slept over at my room in KC, just talking and giggling until morning...

I don't know why, but it just keeps on popping up in my head...

The Unexpected

2008-05-22T19:30:00.002+08:00

Yesterday my boss called me into his office and, out of the blue, told me to go to Muar the next day to take care of a dealer (whose exec is on MC for having a serious case of 'bisol') for 2 days.

So here I am. But I'm getting used to it I guess. Nestle has this habit of giving less than 24 hours notice for assignments.

So anyway, went to the dealer, learnt lots of things. Turned out the exec was there after all, probably decided to return because he heard I was coming, thinking I was going to destroy his life's work in the 2 days I'm going to be there.

Checked in to the hotel; Muar Traders Hotel, not bad at all actually. Checked into my room at the 11th floor, and was pleasantly surprised.

It is a corner room facing the Muar river with two walls made up entirely of sliding doors with Ikea earth-toned curtains. The view was absolutely spectacular!

I could see the entire Muar town, the immense, beautiful Muar river rippling as various fishing boats passed through slowly... The sun was just setting, making the sky become various shades of pink and blue, highlighting several islands on the South China Sea off the coast...

It was simply breathtaking. Well, the hotel is rumoured to be haunted and all that, but I tell ya, with a view like that...who the heck cares?

Definitely THE best view from a hotel room I've stayed in so far. The job does come with a few perks after all.

So I'll be going home from Muar tomorrow. Good thing I didn't book a flight back the other day. Unexpectedly, I'm ordered to go to Muar, and it'd take 2 hours to drive down JB to catch a flight to KL, while from here it'd take one and a half hours to drive back to KL. Doesn't make sense.

Going to watch the latest Indiana Jones movie this Saturday with my family + Mr. R, can't wait for that! The on Sunday got a wedding to go to, two of my pals decided to get hitched this weekend, so will be attending the one in KL.

Argh!! Why is everyone getting married so soon??

Am seriously thinking about going to the UK for some serious backpacking trip. Hanna, where the heck are you?? Get in contact will ya?? And that goes for you too Adri!

My boss already agreed to give me a week off whenever I want it, so all I'm waiting for is just to buy the ticket and off I go.

Berani ke nak pergi sorang-sorang ni yek?

Tawakal je la. Living in Yong Peng has taught me to be independent. When boss says, "Go to some unknown place in the middle of nowhere and be there at 8am tomorrow morning!", I say "Yes, sir!".

Why not the UK?

Guts...gotta gather courage.

Daddy, I think of you everyday.

Ciao.

I'm Going To The Beach...

2008-05-07T19:49:00.002+08:00

...and it's considerably far away.

So I'm going to the beach. Cos sometimes I feel like exploding.

Sometimes I think too much, remember too much.

At times I just wanna quit.

At times I just feel like giving up.

I dream about things...and everytime I wake up I feel like I've cried the whole day.

I'm spiralling down this dark hole where I feel the only thing that is stopping me from sinking is...probably the fact that I can't afford to sink.

Cos I have people who look to me for support.

I'm not crying out for help.

I just wanna go to the beach.

She's Going Away

2008-05-07T19:47:00.002+08:00

My best friend is going away.

She wasn't gonna tell me, but I accidentally found out anyway.

My best friend is going away...

And she isn't coming back.

Of Course, It Was Only Natural

2008-04-26T15:40:00.000+08:00

Life presents many disappointments.

Like recently my boss said that I could take 5 days off next month and when I asked my friends to go vacationing at an island with me, they turned me down stating they're not interested.

But as somebody wise said to me, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Pengembaraan

2008-03-20T14:23:00.004+08:00

Bosan Dengan Kerja

2008-03-20T14:18:00.002+08:00

La la la
Hari hari kerja..
La la la
Bosan dengan kerja
La la la
Hidup harus kerja…kerja…

Ahhhh..terpinga-pinga…
Tak puas lagi beradu…mengantuk~…
Subuh hingga senja…
Hari hari sama saja…

The theme song of my life...

Need anymore be said?

Issues of the World and Such

2008-03-20T13:25:00.002+08:00

Somehow I am certain that aside from Hanna and Wyda (and occasionally Jihan), no one ever reads this blog. And you know what? I'm totally ok with that. I used to whine a lot about it before but now... this is necessary. Because we're all so far away leading our own separate lives, seeing each other once a month? Once in two months?

No, this is necessary. It's like a long talk with an old friend. And I really miss you guys!

It's a public holiday today, the Prophet's Birthday. I thank God for giving him to us so that we can learn from his generosity and love, not only piety. That is what we are lacking in the world today as President Bush declares his campaign in Iraq "A Victory". I think the statement is an oxymoron. How can the killing of innocent people be called a victory? No, there can never be victory in war, just losses.

My words are somewhat fueled by what I've been reading lately.

In the book, Dr M implored world leaders like Bush and Blair to not declare war on Afghanistan and Iraq, stating that it would only isolate the Muslims and cause more injustice. He continuously fought for the welfare of the Palestinians and Bosnians, requesting that urgent action be taken by the UN to stop the genocide.

And I could somehow distinguish the letters personally composed and written by the respondents themselves, from the ones written by professional speech and letter writers. It was a revelation of many things.

So this morning I was planning to sleep in as I've been feeling burnt out somehow this past week. Been looking forward to this holiday actually. Then my neighbour started hammering at the wall directly at the head of my bed. For hours on end. Damn them.

So I gave up eventually, got up and left the house looking for more pleasant ways to spend my day. Working at the office would be too depressing so I opted for a more pleasant environment. That is, until some idiot starts playing loud techno music at the stage behind me.

Sigh.

I wish they'd just relocate me and get it over with. All this anxiety is keeping me awake at night.

Got a meeting tomorrow at Kluang, and a dinner after. Then gonna go home no matter what time it is, on Saturday going to the Asian Trade and Investors Seminar with Jihan and Amin. Figured that it could be educational, though how exactly, that remains to be seen.

At night Amin's birthday at a yet to be determined place and on Sunday gotta come back for another dinner with the MD and SD at JB on Tuesday night. How very dull.

I'm 24 years old, with a good job (even though I whine a lot about it) and plenty of opportunities to invest. With gold being waaaaaay too expensive to invest in now, gotta look for alternatives.

I was thinking about going to JB to get me some Nandos. I was overcome with this masochistic tendency to torture myself with Extra Hot Peri Peri Chicken doused with Extra Hot Peri Peri Sauce. Last time I did that was in OU with Mr. R and I refilled my glass of ice lemon tea 5 times!

Why oh why is Nando's so far away?? Nando's management, if you're reading this, open an outlet at BP Mall ok??

Momentarily Displaced

2008-03-15T21:04:00.003+08:00

Hey y'all. Old Town was full, and the plugs were all used up so I'm hanging out at Rengit Coffee in Batu Pahat Mall instead. The chairs are uncomfortable, it's noisy as hell (taekwondo tournament at the stage behind me and a car exhibition outside playing some really loud techno music) and they actually put pandan kaya in their roti bakar! What a brat I am.

Ok so my sales convention is over (was done at KL), my booth is closed at UTHM and the month is ending. I've just been told by my boss that there is a possibility that I'll be sent to JB or KL starting on the 1st of April. I'm okay either way as long as I don't get sent to Sabah, Sarawak or Kelantan. Nestle has a tendency to transfer people out on last minute notice.

The shortest notice time I've heard given was 3 days. It's like they say, "Ok, I want you in (insert name of place here) in 3 days time. See ya!". But hey, I've been here for eight months already. Perhaps it is time to move on.

My tv is on the fritz. Again! I sent it for repair once already and it's acting up again. Worse still, a burnt smell was emitted when I switched it on. Damn. So I'm reading up every time I'm free. Just finished reading Magician: Master and Silverthorn by Raymond E. Feist. Then I'm moving on to the last book, A Darkness At Sethanon.

I'm so tired. And I'm so stressed out. I've been so busy lately, and thanks to me for being so disorganized, I have too many things to do and too little time to do it. Fuck it all.

I wanna go here.

Ahoy, I need an anchor in the storm.

Ciao.

Movies I've Been Watching

2008-03-02T12:31:00.003+08:00

Ever since I moved out of KL and started making a living in a town called Yong Peng, I have had a lot of firsts. Like just now, for the first time in my life, I went to buy a bus ticket by myself. I think the passengers waiting to board at the bus station was puzzled because I kept going back and forth 5-6 times trying to decide which bus company was the best, cheapest, fastest, etc.

But hey, gimme some credit okay. I'm one of those people who gets just a little bit scared when I'm doing things for the first time so this is an accomplishment of sorts for me. I mean, I even asked Mr. R to come down from JB to Batu Pahat so that he could accompany me on the task (sigh, yes I'm a brat). Fortunately he was sane enough to say no to me and I went.

Ok, ok enough about the bus ticket. I've been busy. I'm sorry I haven't been replying to SMSes and phone calls. I forget sometimes, and it's unintentional.

I'll be in KL from the 3rd til the 11th. Mixture of company training, annual leave and company conventions. I'll be very happy if you could call me whenever you're free, and we can hang out wherever if you like. I do mean all of you. Company functions tend to be dull.

I bought several weird DVDs the other day. At least, to me they were weird because they were unheard of titles. So there was this movie called "Zoo" which was in actual fact a documentary about this guy. When I bought it, I thought it was a movie like Seabiscuit or something. It turned out to be an exploration into the world of Zoophilia. Nothing explicit, mind you. It's just sick, that's all.

Can't believe I paid 5 bucks for a documentary about men having sexual relations with horses.

On a lighter note, Adri if you're reading this (which is highly improbable) I know you changed courses from Medicine to Bio-Medic. For the life of me, I can't tell the difference but do let me know when you're coming back. Sorta miss arguing with you.

I watched Sicko by Michael Moore the other day. Twice. I'm not so naive as to accept anything he says in his documentaries at face value but I felt that it was a really good piece. I wholeheartedly recommend it to everyone that I know. I can't help but be thankful that I live in Malaysia after watching it. I believe that if I was unfortunate enough to be in an accident, and I was wheeled into a general hospital needing treatment, they wouldn't deny me just because I don't have insurance. And I don't think they'll charge me a bomb for it either.

Ah well.

Last one about movies, just stay with me here. Things We Lost In The Fire, Halle Berry and Benicio Del Toro. It's a slow one, but very deep. It's about a woman who just lost her husband to a random act of violence and how she copes with it. At the same time, her husband's best friend battles heroin addiction. They help get each other through difficult periods when the loss was profoundly felt among them.

I don't know about anyone else but I really connected with the story. It captured most of what I felt when I lost someone who was central in my life recently. Hopelessness, denial, desperation, it had it all. I'm going to stop talking about this now, it always makes me cry.

There were times in my life before when I found it difficult to shed tears. I guess He Knew better, I was just saving up for times like these when it is difficult not to cry.

A new friend of mine just asked me to join him at TTDI every Sunday for a religious talk by Dr Hussein Tey. Sigh. Orang dah ajak buat benda baik kena la pergi. Bukan selalu kan?

I've been looking for this book by Raymond E. Feist entitled Magician:Master. Batu Pahat, Yong Peng and Kluang combined doesn't even have one decent bookstore to boast of. Makes me wonder what pieces of shit they've been reading, if at all. Where the fuck can I look for a book to read in a society that reads only Metro and Kosmo tabloids?

Really pisses me off.

Ciao.

I Look Into The Mirror

2008-01-12T11:37:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when I look into the mirror, I don't recognize the person that I see in it. I ask myself what it is that I really want out of life. I ask myself, and I ask God; why am I here?

Why am I here? Who needs me here? Who would miss me? What is it that I was really meant to do?

I believe that God placed everyone here for a specific purpose. I's a matter of whether you are up for it or not. Would you take up the task that is given when it is presented to you?

I think there is some truth to what Paulo Coelho said in The Alchemist.

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”- Paulo Coelho

I feel like quitting my job. My heart's not in it. I don't love what I do. I know what you're saying. Who does love their jobs anyway?

That depends. What do I really want out of life? What do I really want in my job?

I want to be needed. I want to do something good and see the results. I want to help people.

Now an opportunity has presented itself to me. Am I too much of an idealist to just quit my job and accept another job that can't even guarantee financial security? Am I doing the right thing? Am I even suited for this job?

“But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.”- Paulo Coelho

What am I fighting for?

The Seaside

2007-11-24T15:33:00.000+08:00

It seems like I've been spending a lot of my time at Old Town lately. Hmm. I was supposed to go to some rural area today to visit my outlet and collect payment for 3 overdue bills but here I am instead. What kind of salesperson would I be if I feel uncomfortable collecting payment from a customer? (Answer: A bad one)

I spent this morning hanging out at Carrefour helping give out Milo, Koko Krunch and Honey Stars samples to lil' kids while the mascot go around waving and shaking hands with them. It's kinda hard to enjoy it when most of the kids started bawling when the Cookie Crisps mascot came within 5 feet of their vicinity. Plus I was surrounded by FUCKING ANNOYING adults (a whole Chinese family complete with grandpa, grandma etc) trying to grab the cereal samples from my basket (and succeeding). God. The nerve of some people. Some of them are just plain rude.

I sent my family off to the airport the other day. They're taking yet another family vacation without me (because I couldn't get my leave approved). They're gone for around 2 weeks and having so much fun in London that they don't even bother to call me! Arghhhhh

There's one thing I hate about Old Town on a Saturday. There's always some idiot on a podium talking loudly with music blaring at the back and it's located directly in front of the kopitiam.

A few days ago I got yelled at by a store owner for getting my prices wrong. I was really panicking by that time because he was quizzing me at a split-second pace and I was still fumbling around with the price list. I was starting to get angry when I suddenly realised that he wasn't really yelling at me. He was just partially deaf.

Yeah well, what do you expect of a really old Chinese guy wearing slippers, shorts and a white singlet with his glasses drooping off his nose? He was endearing in his own way. A real embodiment of old school taukey.

So I have a housemate already. But she's only going to be staying for a month or so, a Nestle salesperson also. She's alright I think. But I started to realise how used I was to living on my own when we started a silent grapple of power over the remote control. I want to watch The Simpsons and she wants to watch some Malay drama on TV3. I mean, that's all the she watches anyway. And if you know me, I DON'T watch cerekarama or anything like that. Unless it's some old P. Ramlee comedy or classics like Ali Setan.

God I love that movie. Been looking for a DVD of it to no success. It was the Ali Setan movie that first made me feel excited about going to university. Well, the movie was right. University days were probably the best days I've ever had of my entire life.

Funny how when I was younger I couldn't wait to grow up. But when I'm grown up, I keep wishing I could be a kid again. I can't make up my mind about what I want.

Yesterday I was having a really bad day. It was so bad that I started quarelling with my supervisor. So my colleagues took me to the seaside to cool me off. It was this gorgeous kampung nelayan with restaurants at the pier where they had the most amazing sotong goreng tepung and kerang bakar masak sambal.

I ate so much kerang that I was afraid I'd get gout the next day. With the wind blowing at my face and the salty air refreshing my brain, I slowly started to think clearly. I plan to go there again someday. The place reminded me of my father. He loved the sea.

A shoutout to my friend who's going through a difficult phase in his/her life.
Remember that it's just a phase. And whatever happens tomorrow depends on what you decide to do today. So choose wisely and let God guide you.

That's a hell of a long entry. Hope that will tide you over 'til the next time that I get some time off to blog.

Feeling lonely. Could use a friendly call now and then.

Cheers.

Living On My Own

2007-10-26T14:20:00.000+08:00

I know, I know, I know.

Stop nagging at me. I know I haven't been updating as regularly as I should. But c'mon man, it's Yong Peng. I can't even find a bloody cybercafe in this area. Seeing that I don't have broadband at home, the only place that I can blog on is at the office. And today the guys went off to Melaka for a corporate survey which I have already done online, the boss is e-mailing me from some unknown location telling me to do this and that so I'm alone in this place with all-you-can-drink Milo and Nescafe at my disposal.

Trust me when I say this; there is only so much free drinks that you can guzzle down until you start wishing that you hadn't.

So anyway, living the life of a bachelorette. My house is a mess, I get home late at night, no life, eating out all the time, overworked, no time for myself etc. You get the picture. But at least I'm getting paid well for it. I don't really mind, everyday is an adventure for me. I visit far out places; places which I would have never stepped foot in if I didn't get this job. I've already learnt so much from this short period of time. Sometimes I feel like I have become more mature and worldly. I only wish my dad was still here to see how I've prospered.

I think of him everyday, some days more than most. And I wonder how he's faring on the other side. Everytime, I ask God to take care of him and tell him that I'm doing ok. I hope he's happy.

So the annual dinner is coming up in Mahkota Hotel Melaka, the theme being Bollywood Nite. Great, my first annual dinner and already a theme that I detest. Since there is no way I'm wearing a sari or a punjabi suit, I decided that I'm just gonna put on a pair of jeans and shirt (and maybe a glittery belt or scarf), and enjoy scarfing down all the food. I hope it's Indian food. Mmm...yummy...

There's this place in Rengit (orang asli area) that I frequently stop by to buy kerepek and the sorts. It's an air-conditioned outlet/warehouse called Azhar Food Supplier and the stuff are so cheap! I bought several big bags of kerepek ubi kuning at RM2.50 each! I'm thinking that if I start selling in KL, I could be super duper rich. Then I could buy that Mini Cooper S that I've been wanting since forever.

I'm looking to buy a treadmill. Anybody know anyone selling theirs?

Ciao.

Lonely home...

2007-10-02T04:59:00.000+08:00

guest blogger here..

last sunday i went to her place at yong peng.....TO BE HER FREAKING MAID!!!

dammit! i came for a day visit and she made me her personal maid..sweep, mop, clean, wash dishes, take out trash..just bout the whole house was cleaned up..ok, she did help here and there..but mainly just whining about at the side..
(hahaha..fine,that last bit is half a lie..)

but the main thing i wanted to talk bout is her new home..its cozy with a few bits of essential furniture (though it could use some more stuff) but can you imagine living all by yourself? its a bit depressing at 1st but considering how she would mainly use all and any time available time to sleep, it didn't seem that bad to me..i'd kill myself due to the fact my mind might pull off some shit like what happened to Jack Sparrow when he was in Davy Jones Locker (Pirate of The Caribbean : At World's End)..haha..that would be insane..

ok..dont know wat else to say...

oh, democracy is dead in UTM due to the fact the admin is forcing every student to vote..it sucks n im not voting! besides i don't even know all these ppl! y the hell should i vote 4 some stranger?!

ok.now i'm done.

The Adventures of the Blogger

2007-09-01T12:28:00.000+08:00

Today marks a new adventure in the Blogger's life...

She is to live on her own(yes, all by her self) in Yong Peng, Johor Darul Takzim. She was transferred to Johor by Nestle 2 weeks ago and assigned to Yong Peng. She got a nice house which is real close to the office.

At the moment she's cleaning up and will then furnish her new home. She is to be expected to stay at Yong Peng for the next 3-4 months.

What am i, Guest Blogger, doing at this moment instead of helping her out? Well i got my work to do and a quiz to study for. That's why i'm blogging for her at this time.

that's all for this entry....i got to go back to my work..hehe..
Guest Blogger

......sorry for the late entry.......

2007-08-16T22:58:00.000+08:00

ok so i said i'l write something, but truth is i couldn't think of anything...(WHATEVER!SO I DON'T HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND THAT I WANNA SHARE WITH THE WORLD EVERY BLOODY DAY!!)

anyway...my granny died last thursday..i'm fine...(i think im fine)...

another note..YAAAAHHOO!!!my prayers have been answered!!!

oh..
guest blogger here..

I'm Posted...

2007-08-14T22:14:00.000+08:00

...and I'm going to JB baby!! Wooohooooo!!!!!

Will be going this Sunday. Bid your farewells to me 'cos I'll be gone for a year!

Nonsensical Ravings

2007-08-10T22:14:00.000+08:00

They will be telling me which branch I'll be placed in by next week. I only pray that I can do well wherever they're sending me.

The induction program is progressing. I feel closer to those guys now, and realized that I can really be friends with these people.

At least that's what I think. I don't know how they'd feel about it.

Anyways, today we had a factory visit somewhere in Negri and it was a whole lot of fun. I got to see how the confectionery was made and eat all the rejects (hehe). I was freezing because it was raining and I was soaked to the skin, then Zul, my colleague lent me his jacket to wear. I thought that was really sweet of him. When I got high on the chocolate fumes Sheila drive my car all the way back to KL. Thanks guys!

I don't know if I can do this. I'm dead tired after work that I scarcely have the time to do anything else but shower and sleep.

Anyways, my convo is on the 26th of August. And I have to start packing this weekend. I'm still hoping for my loved ones to be there. ;)

Oh yeah, Mr. R's lost a loved one recently. Please pray for her soul.

I'm sleepy. Ciao.

I'm Hungry

2007-08-07T21:47:00.000+08:00

My head feels like lead.

My dad passed away on the 28th of June. After the first few days of being completely hysterical I became instantly calm. I don't know whether it's numbness, denial or acceptance that's gotten over me but I feel strange.

Anyway I'm ready to move on. Things have been chaotic for a little bit. I'm being forced to grow up faster than usual, help make business decisions and all that. I do miss my father like mad but life must go on. I cannot show weakness.

I guess at times like these I find out who're truly friends and who don't give a damn. It's very enlightening. At times I feel like blowing my head out and at other times I realize that I can't. 'Cos I just realised that I'm not living my life for me anymore. It's for God (obviously), my mom, my siblings...

Anyways, I've started my training at Nestle already. Really tiring. Traffic jam going to work, traffic jam coming back from work, half an hour lunch break. Stress levels going higher whenever I suddenly remember my dad.

Sigh.

So I'm going to be posted somewhere in Malaysia, leaving on the 20th. I've been told repeatedly that it's going to be hard. I mean really hard. I'm worried. But at the moment I have plenty of other things to worry about.

Interesting colleagues, a fun bunch. But the best part is getting Nestle freebies everyday. Kit Kat, ice-cream, Koko Krunch, Milo... u name it.

Hanna, if you're reading this and if I forget to tell you later: take the PowerBar gel before you go jogging. It's nutrition for your body and it helps you boost up your energy level. (shamelessly marketing company's product already, hehe)

Ok. I'm dead tired. Ciao.

A Life Changing Event

2007-07-06T22:42:00.000+08:00

Bapak.

I miss you.

Foulest Birthday

2007-06-19T11:17:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was by far the dullest birthday I've ever had. I was in a foul mood the entire day (though I don't really know why) and I inwardly sulked over my birthday pizza (which I had to order when I don't really feel like having pizza anyway).

Ok I'm sounding like a brat again. Ignore me.

....And I had to go to the office on my birthday! Strangely the thing that cheered me up was a phone call that I received from my long-lost friend. She called me up at around 11pm when I was already asleep to wish me happy birthday. Of course I lied and said that I was reading a book at the time. We chatted for about half an hour catching up with each other. I think I haven't seen her for about 9 years. And the fact that she was the only friend who actually called to chat and ask how I was made me feel a bit strange.

And the way that she was telling me how things are with her family made me suspect that she lost her mother a few years back. I do distinctly remember that her mom was sick. I didn't want to push the subject.

Anyway I felt better after her call, and I'm beginning to form an idea as to why I was grumpy yesterday. Yes, yes I'm speaking in riddles so humor me.

I went to Ampang yesterday to visit my maid who's undergoing surgery at some dodgy clinic called Klinik Joe. After the visit we went to this huge kopitiam at the Ampang Waterfront. It was probably the biggest Old Town White Coffee outlet in Malaysia and I have to say it was decorated beautifully. The place totally rocks I tell ya. And the tea is to die for. Yum...

So yes I got the job at Nestle and I'm starting 2nd of July. They were trying to scare me by saying that I'll be posted somewhere in the middle of the jungle in some rural place in Sabah (when I say "they", I mean the directors of Nestle). I wish I didn't lie and say that I could do it. YES, I'm a sap who can't stand being without modern comforts after an hour of being in the forest. And for God's sake, they're going to station me there for 6 months!

I hope I can live up to the lies I told 'em to get the freakin' job.

So I watched Ocean's Thirteen the other day. Got the best seats in the house!... which was spoiled by the fact that the film reel burnt not once... but twice! throughout the entire movie. How did I know that it got burnt? I saw it burning George Clooney's face on the screen. And then we had to wait like 10 minutes for them to run it again, and I couldn't even enjoy the movie anymore because they skipped a few parts.

Damnation.

Ah well. I'm done blogging. Ciao.

Dull Entry

2007-06-14T09:05:00.000+08:00

Sigh. One would think that I would've given up on my idea of going to Redang by now. I did find this great package on cuti.com.my that includes almost everything that you'd want on your trip for only RM268. I don't think it's bad at all.

Hmm...work is starting to get pretty dull lately. And I've been feeling a bit sick for these past few days. I think it's some sort of virus going around.

Oops my boss is here. Gotta go.

In The Mood For...

2007-06-13T10:34:00.000+08:00

...a holiday!

I got 2 weeks off before I start work at Nestle.

Redang anyone?

I Did It!

2007-06-07T11:54:00.000+08:00

I got the Nestle job!

I'm starting 2nd of July.

Woohooo!!!

Penang!

2007-06-01T14:11:00.002+08:00

Yes, I'm at the office. It's my lunch hour and I am stuck here because the showroom needs a keeper. On a promotional note, anyone who wants to buy costume jewellery or gifts or coins/medallions, you can come over to my showroom where we have really nice stuff. Seriously.

Anyways, I have a great many stories to tell but I can't seem to remember all of them. Ah, who cares. Let's start with this one. I'm going to Penang tomorrow! Woohoo! Only God knows how I'm looking forward to it, a break from the tedium of office life. I've been so stressed out lately what with all the chaos that's called my life. The word is enough to cheer me up as I imagine boarding the bus at 8am tomorrow and heading to the island with friends. Nasi Kandar and jet skis here I come!

One of my best friends, Arah, got married yesterday. Her kenduri is being held this Sunday at Kedah, which is my main reason for going north this weekend (did I just hear Mr. R snort out loud?). I called her last night while I was having dinner at Nandos to bid her congratulations. I was almost overwhelmed with emotion but held my feelings in check over my mild peri-peri chicken. I dunno. Weddings make me cry. It signals the end of a chapter of a person's life, and the beginning of a new one. Or maybe I'm just a sap.

Whatever. Congratulations to all the newlyweds!

I got myself a pair of new spectacles a few weeks ago. I lost my old pair and using that as an excuse (instead of looking for it extensively or waiting for it to show up like all things lost do over time) I went out to one of those instant optical shops and purchased myself a new pair. I think it really changes my look because when I went into the interview room at Nestle, the interviewers said that I looked so different from the picture that I stuck on my job application form.

Ah. The interview for the Management Trainee Program. That sucked in so many ways that I don't even know how to begin. I could hardly believe that I got through the assessment stage since I did so badly in the exam that they gave me. Then I went for the interview with the managers which I think I aced. That's a bad sign because the results always turn out to be the opposite for me.

Nonetheless, I got another call for the final interview with the directors which I went for on Wednesday. Let's just say it didn't go very well since they found out everything that I've been trying to hide from them in order to get the job. So now I fully expect to get a phone call saying that I'm kicked out of the elite group. What a shame. And it was the final stage of the whole process too.

Ah well. I was kind of surprised when I ran into Jan at the Nestle House lobby on Wednesday. It seems that she was being called for assessment of the MTP too. It was kinda weird seeing her there but I know she's gonna get it. All the best to her!

I can't wait! Less than 24 hours from Penang!

Wooohooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

While Surfing

2007-06-01T14:11:00.001+08:00

I love acoustics.

Sigh...

Things To Do...

2007-06-01T13:54:00.000+08:00

...on the net when you're bored.

1. Check out www.imeem.com. It helps me get through the more boring parts of the day.

2. Go to the "WhitePages" section of www.yellowpages.com.my and search for random people's numbers and addresses. Did you know that our prime minister is listed there under 4 numbers?

3. Go to www.stormberry.tv to watch videos or animes with subtitles. I've watched the latest One Piece episode and it rocks!

4. Google yourself. And find out who's talking crap about you on their blogs.

5. Update your freakin' blog. God knows I haven't updated mine in ages.

Overworked, Underpaid, Overfed

2007-05-12T08:31:00.000+08:00

Yeah. That's what I am now.

At least I don't go hungry.

Nasty Surprise

2007-04-30T11:50:00.000+08:00

I am here at my dad's office, against my will of course. He's hiring me on a contract basis, told his employees that I'll be there first thing Monday morning for orientation.

Right. He told everyone but me. So that's why I got a nasty shock when I was woken up so rudely at 9.30am this morning and yelled at for not being at work. In any case, my sister and my brother are at the bank now and I'm holding down the fort. Alone. Some orientation this is turning out to be.

I HaTe starting work like this. I'm not exactly getting a good vibe when I come to work 2 hours late and there's absolutely nothing to do. I absolutely despise it. I know I'm making a big deal out of nothing since everyone else is so relaxed about it. But I'm starting work next week and I'm a firm believer in setting off on the right foot in anything that I do. It sorts of set the pace for the rest of the period, y'know?

At least the internet is working fine, all I have to do is answer phone calls and take messages. And I've already sent one fax so that's something.

I went to the KL International Book Fair at PWTC on Saturday with Mr. R. It was quite a disappointment since I sort of hoped there would be tons of books on sale there (quite like the PC Fair where everything is cheaper), which is quite airhead-ish of me. I did find a small stall selling brand new novels for RM15 each so it wasn't a complete loss. And I bought a book by Anne Rice entitled Lasher for only RM8, which was a real bargain.

After that we went to Low Yatt Plaza where I bought a vacuum for my keyboard, haven't really tested it out yet so I don't know if it'll work. Then had a great lunch at Old Town White Coffee Kopitiam where we had the most amazing thick french toast with honey and peanut butter. It was absolutely divine I tell ya. Anyways, we spent the entire day going via public transport, which I haven't done in a long, long time. It was fun. Sort of like old times. :)

The internet at home is on the fritz, which is why I'm grateful that the connection here is excellent. I even got Air Asia tickets that I bought using my ma's credit card. Instant confirmation, very convenient.

Oh did I tell you that I'm going to Bangkok this Wednesday? Well, I'm going to be out of the country for a few days, 'til Sunday specifically. I do have a ton of things to buy, and I was kind of hoping that I'd be able to buy Arah's wedding present and Izzah's birthday present there as well. Speaking of which...

Today is Izzah's and Khalid's birthday! Hooray, hooray! Happy birthday to both of you! Wishing you all the best in love and life.

Moving on... I hung out at Starbucks Centrepoint yesterday to type out my essay to Nestle for my Management Trainee shortlisting procedure. Or whatever. Anyways, I have to say that it's the best Starbucks I've ever been to, the ambience was great and the baristas were awesome. The connection was damn fast too. Although I'm not sure whether it was really the ambience or the company that made the place seem better. ;) I had the Banana Java Chip frap. I didn't really like it, but Mr. R did.

I've been reading a lot of books lately. Finished reading lots of my sister's romance novels, and even a few fantasy novels like The Elder Gods and Belgarath the Sorcerer. I loved Belgarath, the book was cleverly written and was very funny most of the time.

Ah. I see it is almost lunchtime. I better sign off now. Ciao!

Opinions

2007-04-18T10:41:00.001+08:00

I read a book today that said something so true that I had to share it with you.

We base our assessment of the intelligence of others almost entirely on how closely their thinking matches our own.

I guess that's how the expression "great minds think alike" came about.

Sigh... how true nonetheless.

Senseless Killing

2007-04-18T10:29:00.000+08:00

School Shooting in Virginia Tech

Who do we blame?

Television? Media? IRA? Gun laws? The government? Parents? The gunman himself?

Their country is sick. I wonder how many more people will have to die before they finally do something about it.

My Oh-So PerasanCelebrity Look-alikes

2007-04-16T21:24:00.001+08:00

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

This is Me

2007-04-13T23:05:00.000+08:00

Thanks Ku!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Wasted Flight

2007-04-13T18:49:00.000+08:00

I know I have neglected to update my blog for quite awhile. The thing is, too many events happened in the past two weeks that I sort of avoided posting anything new. If I did it would have taken pages.

First of all, I should've been in Bangkok by now. But I'm instead at home. Facing the computer. Blogging because I'm so freakin' bored. It was on Tuesday night, 2 days before all of us were supposed to go to Bangkok together. Some stupid idiot decided to set off a bomb somewhere in the city, hence ruining our plans. Out of fear for our safety, our parents forbade us to go. And that's how our flight tickets got wasted away just like that. I was so devastated at the whole money wastage and planning and everything that I sort of moped around aimlessly.

Anyways, my dad went into the hospital so I've been hanging around there most of the time. I discovered that SJMC has wireless internet connection so I made full use of it. Oh yeah, I guess I should've mentioned that my dad got carreid off in an ambulance, which was quite an exciting event. It's not anything serious like a heart attack or anything. In fact, he's back at home right now watching tv. He couldn't walk because of his condition and an ambulance is the only thing big enough to take him to SJMC.

Ok, enough about that. I finished my exams on the 5th of April the other day, ending my 5-year stay in UIA. I got a bit melancholic about it, I guess. The thing that made it more difficult was my denial that my student days have ended and my status changed from student to unemployed overnight. I did attend the career fair at Midvalley the other day but I was ill-prepared and heady. I just didn't feel like I could go to work yet.

7 days unemployed and counting. I did apply for several positions already, hoping against hope that they'd appoint me as the CEO immediately so that all I would do is sign cheques and travel the world. Rite.

Results are coming out on the 19th April. If I pass everything then I wouldn't have to repeat any subjects.

Even as I am typing this, I am downloading One Piece and it is already 54% done. I've been addicted to it for the past 3 weeks or so after I saw the first 20 episodes. My addictions usually mean that I can finish off 300 episodes in 5 days. The anime is freakin' awesome! And that is all that I'm going to say about that.

I was recommended this place called Williams situated behind the old Lim Kok Wing building in Kelana Jaya. The place totally rocks I tell ya. I had baked pasta with blue cheese that was absolutely divine, and the cheese naan is the best I've ever had. I will definitely go there again.

Mr. R, we're 3 years and one month! And I miss you so much.

Damn. Hanna is in Hat Yai. Nehlad is at Perak. What am I going to do? This sucks.

Arah is getting married on the 3rd of June. Speaking of marriage, I think my parents are pretty much accustomed to the idea that I am going to marry Mr. R. My dad has a funny way of showing it though.

Argh!! I'm becoming braindead staying at home doing nothing! Rescue me!

A Question

2007-03-31T20:17:00.000+08:00

I'm not needy...

...am I?

Oh My...

2007-03-27T13:42:00.000+08:00

...GOD!!!!

I am so screwed. We are so screwed. I'm going to kill myself.

We're going to Bangkok on the 12th until 15th April. And the Songkran Festival is on the 13th til 15th April.

It's a public holiday. Everything is closed. Bangkok is going to be deserted.

Oh fuck. Now what?

3 years...n counting...

2007-03-15T22:41:00.000+08:00

so its officially 3 years that we have been together..i hope it goes on and is taken onto the next level..

all i can really say is that.....YOU BETTER TAKE CARE OF THAT BAG!!!LUGGING IT AROUND OU WAS A PAIN!!!

heh heh heh..okay..bottled up emotion..sorry..

anyway..what would be the best way to propose?? i kinda wondered bout it the other way..

oh..im guest blogger btw..

Waiting For Gamers

2007-03-10T13:04:00.000+08:00

I'm at Starbucks, OU. I just sent off my term paper to my lecturer. I'm watching 300 at 2pm today with Mr. R and Adri. They went off to look at games.

I'm bored. There's only so much that you can do online anyway.

Mr. R and I will be 3 years this coming Thursday. And I love it. =)

Kuhan, I don't care if you've delivered 2 babies already. I'm still not letting you deliver mine.

Ciao.

Singles Awareness Day

2007-02-19T09:46:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year to all my Chinese pals across the country! I saw some houses around my area have managed to rent out performances of lion dances and all. Well, good for you! I'm sick of listening to all the drilling done around my house anyway.

Ok, bored out of my head at home, so I googled myself. Have you ever googled yourself? C'mon now, don't lie to me... I found only one link for my full name, and a million or so for my first name. I did finally find the link to my blog by typing in pu3 though. Hm. Significance? Zero. I've successfully managed to waste 20 seconds off you life. Hah.

This is weird. The guy (or girl) who has my name as his (or her) website is Japanese.

Obviously I'm bored here.

Oh yeah. Went to KLCC on Valentine's Day with a few of my single friends. We went to watch Music and Lyrics, the latest Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant movie. I absolutely loved it! I'm not so much a fan of Hugh Grant, but in this movie he was sarcastic (which I love) and hilarious at the same time. You've got to see the 80's video man, it's so freakin' funny! So anyway, I was kinda hoping that someone would give me a flower on that day but you can't always get what you wish for. It was fun. =)

I watched Babel too the other day. It was pretty sad, and eye-opening at the same time. Which is fine, because it's a really good movie and definitely should win the Oscar for Best Picture. There was this part where Cate Blanchett was peeing in a pan with Brad Pitt holding her, and she kissed him. I remember that part because I thought she looked pretty scared and helpless to me. And that's romantic in a gross sort of way. I think.

Forced Adri and Mr. R to join us for badminton the other day (amidst protests from Adri because he's never played before). I got trounced pretty badly, because Adri's got endurance that is beyond anything humanly capable. And I defeated Mr. R because I know he can't hate me even if I bully him. =) Hoping to organize a group thing for this Tuesday if I can. Get together while Mr. R is still around.

Went to several guardian stores to get my supply of Cetaphil Oily Skin Cleanser but they're all out of stock. Which is horrible because I can't use anything else. I'm pretty desperate at the moment so if anyone finds it, please tell me?

Did 31 laps in the pool yesterday. Which is probably 10 laps in an Olympic-sized swimming pool. Woohoo! Hoping that I'd lose weight some more after this.

Ok, I forgot to take a shower. Ciao.

After My Nap

2007-02-10T19:38:00.000+08:00

Last night I did something that I normally wouldn't have done. I slept through a movie. I normally wouldn't do that because I freakin' paid for the damned thing so I might as well watch it right? But I did. It was a midnight show at GSC One Utama that ended at around 2am. I watched Stranger Than Fiction starring Will Ferrell. I don't know whether it was the movie itself that was paced so ridiculously slow or it was just a tiring day. Either way, I don't think I should go for a midnight outing anymore, I'm just not a night owl.

For Mr. R:

He's a Great Boyfriend

You guy definitely loves you and knows how to treat you right.
You have a five star boyfriend - so make sure you treat him right too!

Is He a Good Boyfriend?

It's been an insane week so far, but I managed to get out alive. The drama and all was driving me crazy and there was so much work to do. I had a pleasant surprise when a good friend told me that he was back from the UK for his internship in Malaysia. I hung out with him on Wednesday, watched Epic Movie which was a spoof on all of last year's movies. Let's just say halfway throughout the movie I felt like shooting myself out of my misery.

So Mr. R's back for the week, severely injured after someone beat him up...(hehe). Offer him your condolences if you can.

My friends and I managed to book flight tickets to Bangkok for sometime in April. It'll probably be our last trip together after I graduate so I'm hoping that everything will work out.

And guys, I'm not as bad you say, ok?

You Are 24% Paranoid Schizophrenic

You're pretty grounded, though you have your occasional paranoid moments.
Just make sure to ignore those voices in your head!

Are You A Paranoid Schizophrenic?

I kept thinking about what I'm going to do after I graduate. There are endless possibilites to explore; I can take a year off to take extra courses, I can go hiking in Europe (Yeah, right. Let's try to keep this as realistic as possible aite?), take language classes at the German Council, learn rock climbing, take dance classes, register at my local gym... Do I really have to decide now?

I had this thought running through my head just now. Money; does it supply you with a feeling of security? Or does it foster and increase insecurity? Wouldn't people with money be more insecure with their lifestyle, friends and lovers because they have more to lose? Or would it make them feel more comfortable because they know they can buy whatever they want when they need it?

You Are a Cappuccino

You're fun, outgoing, and you love to try anything new.
However, you tend to have strong opinions on what you like.
You are a total girly girly at heart - and prefer your coffee with good conversation.
You're the type that seems complex to outsiders, but in reality, you are easy to please

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

And with that, adieu!

Cute

2007-01-23T19:32:00.000+08:00

Darling, doesn't this sound familiar to you?

bored guest...

2007-01-23T10:50:00.000+08:00

The guy who loves you, can't tell you the reason why he loves you.
He, himself knows that, in his eyes, you are the only one.

The guy who loves you, actually always makes you mad,
but he does not know what stupid thing did he do,
as everything he does, he thinks it is for your own good.

The guy who loves you, seldom praise you , but in his heart,
you are the best, only he knows it.

The guy who loves you, will scold or complaint if you didn't reply his message and others, because he cares.

The guy who loves you , will remember every word u said ,
even its accidentally. And he will always use the words in the nick of time.

The guy who loves you, maybe can't remember special occasions like some kind of anniversary,
but , he does know that, every second he lives, he's loving you, no matter what day is that day.

The guy who loves you, always tell you not to think too much, because he already plans it for you, he wants to give you the best life in the future,
he wants to give you a surprise, believe that he can do it.

Sedih

2007-01-21T13:13:00.000+08:00

"Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end..."

I'm graduating soon. Wish me luck for the rest of my life.

Underwater Escapades

2007-01-21T12:00:00.000+08:00

Hey all, had a wake-up call from someone I love telling me to update my blog. So here I am, enough said.

I'm home for my sem break, got loads to tell you but I fear I'm going to forget them if I don't type fast enough.

The pool at my house is ready to jump into, although a few milipedes have forgotten that they can't swim but have taken the plunge nonetheless. Been swimming for 2 days already, I can tell there's a difference in my body weight-wise lah. I'm thinking of having a pool party but not until my body is in tip-top shape because then I wouldn't be so embarrassed about wearing my bikini. Hah. Gotcha there didn't I? Bikinis are so 90's man.

So I lepak-ed with my dad yesterday and I have to say that I never, ever do that. My dad and I aren't close, let's just leave it at that. Finally I got to know his real feelings about my 3-year relationship with the person that I love. He gave some advice that sounded more like orders, having to do with not tying myself down to one particular person when I'm still young. I know he was concerned for me, and I tried to explain the situation to him (with my mom ever-backing me up) but in the end he managed to make me agree to at least keep my options open.

All matters of the heart aside, I believe that if you're meant to be with that person then there's nothing in the world that can stop you from being with them. And it doesn't matter if you're 8, 15, 50 or 70 years old when you met, if it's meant to be then it simply is.

So later after the ~~argument~~ discussion ended, I told him about my plans. About how I was planning to go to the UK with my pals. And he said he'd think about it. That's a whole lot better than an outright no I tell ya. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed. But you know what, all the suspense, drama, hard work and planning has gotten to me, I think. You know when you get too excited over something too early? And you discover that these things take up a certain amount of enthusiasm and energy to keep up. And gradually over the months you find that you just don't have enough strength to be excited about it anymore? That truly sucks.

So An, Hanna and I have been lepak-ing at Starbucks a lot lately. I absolutely love the Caffe Latte there but at 10 bucks a pop I find that I drink it up way too quickly. So I order a frap everytime I go there and surf the net for hours on end. But that's not what I wanted to tell you. A good friend of mine is returning to Djibouti this Sunday, maybe forever. And he asked me to meet up with him before he leaves. He's a good person, always polite and a gentleman to the core. I shall miss him a lot. It seems like I have a lot to be sad about this year.

I'm getting a haircut. A really short one so that it's easier to wash after I swim.

My mom and I are going to the Times Bookstore warehouse sale later, and then we plan to go to MPH Subang Parade because of the great discounts that they have there. If it's still there la. I'm already salivating over the thought of actually owning my own David Eddings novels. *drool* *drool*

Speaking of which, I just finished reading Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld. The book is amazing, I say. It was as if I was a teenager again in secondary school and voila! Everything; my thoughts, my fears, my feelings are written down in these pages. The only thing that that I hated about it was that it had a sad ending. It made me feel like I always do when a chapter of my life is ending, and there's nothing that I can do about it. That's always a part that you can never retrieve again, and you realize that life seldom has happy endings.

And this is precisely why, I hate goodbyes. I just want everything to be when I was happy and there are snapshots of people smiling and laughing frozen forever in my memory. I just want to be in that time where no one ever grows old, and everything in my day is just perfect. Just that one day.

Ciao.

Stupid Phone!

2007-01-17T17:45:00.000+08:00

Hey, I'm at Starbucks having a frapuccino with An and Hanna. We just had a ball at the Times Bookstore stock clearance where they were selling books for as cheap as 5 bucks. I bought this book by Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt and The Thief Lord by I dunno who.

My computer is reformatted and is online! Thanks Mr. R. I've been playing this game that he installed for me; Tradewinds Legends 2 or something. I'm hooked on it, been playing for hours on end.

It's kinda hard for me to concentrate on writing this blog because I keep stopping to gossip with An and Hanna.

But ok, here it is, my phone kinda fritzed out on me. And I stupidly saved all the numbers in my phone memory. So yeah. I need all your numbers again. Please e-mail or sms me or something. It was kinda upsetting because I know I can never recover all those numbers again.

So yeah, I'm pretty depressed about that.

Ciao.

AidilAdha

2006-12-31T21:34:00.000+08:00

Selamat Aidiladha to all of you and ahoy mateys!

Since I had trouble installing my shoutbox I figured that I should change the whole template as well. I sorta feel that this is better suited with my inner karma. Sorta peaceful, and...erm... blue.

So anyway, I had fun with Mr. R the other day playing basketball at his house and going jogging and stuff. We watched Night at the Museum starring Ben Stiller. Come to think of it, it's kinda like a family/kiddie movie but I loved it anyway. It appealed to my fantasy-loving side. My last weekend with him was spent hanging out at Pakcu's house playing with my lil' cousin, where he proved to me that singing every children song out of memory with a lot of gusto doesn't really earn anything except some astonished and weird looks from the baby. Sigh...

Then we went to Aquaria KLCC where he got me a stuffed stingray :) which was so darned cute! For several days we hung out with my older cousins at Kak Ayu's apartment playing the PS2, and went to Zoo Negara to pay the adorable animals a long overdue visit. I saw this python case with a baby chick in it trying to scratch its way out, which promptly made everybody depressed for a little while. But that's another story altogether. I met my cousin's fiance, which was all good since he treated us to lunch. Heh.

It's been really eventful. My new car is doing great but it desperately needs some good cleaning. I think I'm going to try that new place in Wangsa Maju which Hanna showed me. I think it costs only RM10 and the next wash is free.

Thanks to Hanna, Nehlad and Izzah for coming to my house just now! Sorry for being so ill-prepared and all but I sure felt great that you guys came! Thanks a whole lot!! Love you to pieces!

I've been playing badminton for a few evenings now, in hopes that I would be able to lose at least one-third of the weight I'm sporting. By the way I'm eating, I fear that it's all for naught.

I'm currently reading Faith of the Fallen by Terry Goodkind. Yes, I'm reading your book Adri. I like the story even if it tends to get long-winded. It tends to get depressing sometimes but it's all happy endings in the end :) .

I gotta go. Ayahda and family are here so I get to play with Rainia the cutest baby in the whole wide world!

Ciao!

Feelin' Picnicky

2006-12-15T19:29:00.000+08:00

This week has been a pretty full one for me, though for the life of me I can't seem to recall any of its details. Sigh... I guess I'll just ramble on then. I'm at home now, preparing to leave for Ipoh soon. There's supposed to be a big bash of sorts going on there for my siblings, something to do with circumcision and stuff. Huhu... wouldn't you shudder at the sound of that my uncircumcised friends?

Anyways, applied for a job at Starbucks with Hanna. She got the interview, I didn't. I was kinda glad that I didn't get it though. I was just getting pretty lazy and I thought maybe it would be better for me to just enjoy my final semester in campus.

Oh yeah, we went picnicking at Alang Sendayu the other day and all of us brought sandwiches and candy and set up the mat beside the river. The whole place was filthy actually, lots of garbage strewn around and stuff. The river was actually quite fun as we went early in the morning, it was freezing cold and the water was rapid. Khalid lost a fishing net to the river when he *brilliantly* threw it into the water for Salihin to swim and catch it. Izzah brought cards so I took the opportunity to learn blackjack. Overall, it was good, clean fun. Methinks the only thing that was bad about it was the huge red ants swarming over the picnic mat. But hey, what's a picnic without ants right?

I went to OU with my sister just now and tried out the new Starbucks drink; Toffee Nut Frap created just for the festive season. I found that I kinda liked it. It's not really sweet, and it has the familiar latte flavour to it. In any case, you're always saying that I never have the courage to try new things. I bet you're proud of me now!

I can't get that new Gigi song out of my head!

I finally found Shards of a Broken Crown at Times bookstore! It's ironic because I went all the way to Ipoh, Penang and back to KL to find the stupid book and it was right under my nose all the time. To make it even more ironic, they had two copies pulak tu. In Borders and MPH they ran out of stock.

It's kinda depressing going back to Ipoh alone. I guess I should outgrow it by now. Sigh.

Anyways, happy birthday to my pals Hanna, Ika and my sister Aminah! Hanna's 22 on the 16th and Ika and Aminah's birthdays is today! Hurrah!

I gtg. Ciao!

Raindrops Are Falling On My Head

2006-11-29T20:30:00.000+08:00

It's raining hard. My belly is full. The sound of raindrops falling onto the roof outside my room gives me a warm feeling that makes me thankful that I'm at home. It's very cosy at the moment with plush cushions all around and hot chocolate within arm's reach. I'm thankful to God for letting me have this moment.

Ah... it's good to be able to enjoy this.

I was all dressed up for my date today with my new pants, my butterfly top and pearl necklace looking all glamorous(haha, I wish) and then just as I was about to leave out the door, my mom suddenly told me to buy some meat at the pasar.

Me: "Ma! I'm all dressed up and I just wore my new perfume!"
Ma: "Just stop by the pasar, it won't kill you."

And that's the end of it. So I went and got teased by all the stupid abang-abang pasar but mom was right, it didn't kill me. And it was kinda silly for me to argue with her about it. However, I did go on my date smelling like a cow.

I'm currently watching this anime called Ouran High School Club Host. It's kind of funny and I liked it because I've always fantasized about going to a school like that.

I stopped by Odang's place for brunch just now, took some time to show him my results.

Odang: "Abis tu, bile kau nak pergi Amerika ni?"
Me: "Heh."

I read Slawter by Darren Shan already! Yay! It's pretty good as usual, all the gore and slaughter by demons. I can't wait to get my hands on some new fantasy books. And my final sem starts on Monday! I'm planning to make it as memorable as possible.

Ciao.

Confusing Read

2006-11-27T20:27:00.000+08:00

'"He died while he was still alive."

That might sound like a contradiction in terms, but I knew many people who had ceased to live, even though they continued to work and eat and engage in their usual social activities. They did everything automatically, oblivious to the magic moment that each day brings with it, never stopping to think about the miracle of life, never understanding that the next minute could be their last on the face of this planet.'
-Excerpt from The Zahir, Paulo Coelho.

I can't really say that I enjoyed the book. Some of the meanings were pretty deep and I just couldn't be bothered trying to understand the whole thing. The parts that got through to me, I appreciated. The story made me reevaluate my life and had me calculating my time in this world. Give or take, I have another 50 years on the face of this earth. I just realized how short a time that is.

The question is; what am I going to do with the time that I have left?

Bathroom Slip-Up

2006-11-27T18:34:00.000+08:00

What a week! One morning I was in Ipoh, then in the afternoon I was in KL. And the morning after I was in Penang! Huhu... have been living out of my suitcase since last Wednesday but I'm glad I'm finally back in Shah Alam. I arrived from Ipoh nigh a half an hour ago and I'm already on the PC. Right on.

So. My final exams were surprisingly ok for me even though my schedule was quite hectic. I was quite busy then because my dad was sick so I alternated between home and the hospital for quite awhile. He became really unwell the day before my last 2 papers but that's an entirely different story so let's leave it at that. My results are coming out tomorrow so... I hope I don't fail anything.

Sorry folks! I've been in Ipoh for the past coupla weeks cut off from the world, eatin' and hangin' and stuff. Missed a lotta open houses (including my own best friend's do) and I'm sorry for it, but I did manage to catch up on a bunch of movies. Namely; Casino Royale, Happy Feet and Death Note. As for the Bond movie, I'd have to say that it's a bit draggy here and there. Some folks actually walked out of the movie at some parts probably because they thought it was over. Either that or it was getting too lovey-dovey for their liking. Let's just say that I'm still prejudiced toward Daniel Craig because he's not as handsome as Brosnan. Happy Feet was depressing for me, and Death Note was actually a bit creepy because he was so freakin' evil.

Ok, I know I'm going on and on about movies, and that I should get a life and yadda yadda yadda. But hey, gimme a break will ya'? I just didn't have anything else to do.

In a totally unrelated story, I had some problems with my graduation audit because the numbskulls up in A&R or Co-Cu activities didn't key in my credited courses correctly; rendering my audit incomplete. So I called them up to tell them about the mistake. This went on for a few days because nobody even picked up the phone! When they did, I tried telling them where they went wrong but I was cut off at some point in the conversation and told to print out my slip and bring it to them. Even though I was in Ipoh at that time. Right.

To cut the story short, I went all the way back to KL by myself, showed them the print-outs of my records which I got ON-FREAKIN'-LINE (which they couldn't be bothered to check from their own records because it was Too DaMnEd ComPliCaTeD for their puny little brains), pointed out the mistake made and was out of there in 5 minutes. *yells out in frustration at the stupidity of it all*

And oh. My audit is still showing that error.

So I flew over to Penang for the weekend on MAS Airline's exorbitant extortionists domestic rates. The only reason I paid that amount is because I couldn't get Air Asia tickets at the last minute. Around 6 months ago, it was RM189 for a one-way economy ticket KL-Penang. Last Thursday I paid RM253 for it. The day after that, it became a front-page issue in The Star. It was so freakin' expensive! The trip isn't that great either, the seats were still cramped, and we still get one measly cup of Milo and a packet of peanuts each. If I went on an early Air Asia flight it would've cost me only RM90!

Anyway, I stayed at the newly refurbished E&O Hotel with my family and relatives.
The rooms are really quite big, and the furnishings gave a very 'English' feel to it all. Ah well. The breakfast was excellent; Belgian waffles, omelettes, nasi lemak, dim sum, lamb chops, salad, pastries, sausages, bacons etc. My room looked kinda like this;

Yeah well, I had to share it with 4 other people so it wasn't that stupendous. Whatever. I did take a super nasty fall in the bathroom though. It was exactly like one of those scenes that you see in cartoons where the character would slip on a banana peel and go flying up with his feet and arms in the air before falling down on his butt. I was carrying a bucket full of water. I had the bright idea of wearing bedroom slippers in the bathroom because I thought the floor was too cold. Ouch. My arm still hurts.

Okie, will stop ranting now. Ciao.

p.s. Thanks to all those who inquired about my dad throughout his hospitalization period. He's ok now. We hope.

MERDEKA!!!!!!!........for me,guest blogger...

2006-11-22T21:11:00.000+08:00

YES!!! im freaking done with my finals!!!damn it, this was the longest finals i ever had..my papers were streched out too apart..damn it all...ah,never mind.im done with it.heh!

so now that im on holiday..its time to get on my gundam!yeah!i had to wait a whole month before assembling it..now i just completed the head,body and its right arm..still a long way to go but im gonna get it finished by the end of the week!!

what is it some of you might ask? well its the 1/100 MG Zeta Gundam Ver.2. for more info go check out www.hlj.com

Shopping Madness

2006-11-07T17:03:00.000+08:00

Finally! Finished with the more difficult part of my final exams this semester. I had 3 papers each day from Saturday until Monday and since I had papers on weekends, that also means that I missed attending a lot of Raya open houses. Damnation. Ah well, at least the hardest part is over. My next 2 papers is on the 15th and that's more than a week away. I'm at home now, and my arms feel so stiff they feel like falling off my shoulders.

That's probably caused by endless hours of holding up the Shadow of a Dark Queen book while reading it on my back. I should've known better.

So anyways I went out with Mr. R to Sg. Wang and Times Square where I found several shirts and tops that were absolutely adorable and inexpensive. A total of 4 tops and a score of basics and they all cost less than RM150. Of course it's murder trying to find anything of my own size there that doesn't look too jinjang but I managed it. Yay! I have new clothes now!

For some strange reason I can't get that song by Cassie out of my head! It's driving me crazy because I even found myself singing to that song under my breath in the exam hall the other day.

I love it when they try to gat scandalous
Even though they know they really can't handle it
(They can't handle it?)
They can't handle it
Try and take me out to dinner I cancel it
If you really wanna know me first of all
You should never try to get too personal
Cuz' I meant it when I said
That you gotta long way to go

My roommate is getting married next year since her boyfriend just proposed. I got so choked up when she told me I could barely hold back the tears pooling behind my eyes. Y'know, before this I usually laughed at people who cry at weddings but now I get it. I get it, I totally do. Everybody have their own reasons for acting the way they do. Mine? I felt like I was leaving a part of me behind. A period of my life is ending, and I die a little death everytime that happens. I know things will never be the same again.

I'm having an open house in the near future. Very near. Wait for it dudes and dudettes.

Mr. R, we'll always be buuuuddieeees...

Raya Greeting

2006-10-22T16:41:00.000+08:00

Ramadhan is approaching its end, which means that in 2 days it's going to be Hari Raya! I went to PKNS and Giant Hypermart with my mom and 3 of my siblings today and I tell ya', those 2 places are the absolute worse areas to get stuck in 3 days before Hari Raya. There were too many people, so many in fact that I literally had to push around so that I could get from one place to another. I also had to make sure I didn't stomp on the little ones screaming their lungs out on the floor. So here I am, exhausted to the bone.

I went out with Mr. R yesterday and got the most adorable pair of jeans at DP. It turned out to be the only one left, although I'm pretty sure that's what all the attendants say when they're too lazy to go and get a new pair for me. I went to Ikea and got cushions for my mom, noticed that the Ramadhan buffet is pretty interesting. You pay RM16 and you eat whatever you want, and that includes fish and chips (my childhood affixiation) and Swedish meatballs. Em...yum. My baju raya is still not ready, and I forgot completely what they look like or what their colours are. So I might end up wearing those DP jeans after all (haha I wish).

I hope I get to see Mr. R again this raya. =)

And tomorrow is spring cleaning day, so I better find a way to make myself scarce. Haha.

Anyways, I wish all of my friends and family members Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin! I plead forgiveness for all the mistakes I've made and if I've hurt anyone's feelings or talk badly about anyone I'm truly sorry! And this goes to all my non-Muslim pals as well. To all of my buddies living overseas and not coming back for the festivities; take care y'all and know that you are missed dearly here. And if you can't remember what all those yummy Raya dishes look like, I'm going to do you a favour and remind you! Enjoy! (And don't drool too much)

Rendang Tok

Ayam Masak Merah

Satay

Huahuahua...Drive safe everyone!

Crumbling Tower

2006-10-20T11:52:00.000+08:00

Hey, did you guys know that Tower Records is closing? That's pretty sad news for me, sure the cds are kinda expensive and the ones that I want are always sold out...but the place reminds me of the movie Empire Records. And I loved that movie. The guy who played Lucas totally rocked! So I guess this is what they call feelings by association. I feel like Pavlov's dog.

In true fashion of stealing content from Mikey's blog, here's a recent picture of 2 colliding galaxies. It's the coolest!

I've gotta go pick up my bro. 3 days left of puasa!

Ciao.

West for Wear

2006-10-15T16:44:00.000+08:00

With a very *weak* shoutout to all of you, I bid happy iftar to all my Muslim friends. I'm recovering at an annoyingly slow pace from the viral diarrhoea that I contracted last Friday. I feel so weak and dizzy that I can hardly walk at all. But I was bored after being bedridden for so many days and there are only so many Archie comics that I can read lying down so...

How are you? I hope y'all doing fine and all. I went to Grandpa's on Wednesday night to celebrate his birthday. My car was out of reach so I used the LRT to get from one end to another (Terminal Putra to KJ) and all in all only spent RM5 for the whole trip! You'd think after realizing that it's much cheaper to use public transport to go places I'd be compelled to use it more often. Sigh.

Here's a thought.

Why do we have to dress in clothes that are designed by orang putih designers to be considered stylish? Why do we have to buy western labels for a person to be in fashion? It appalls me really. I realised it when I went out to BB the other night and I started wondering how tight clothing became the norm in trying to look good. If it's loose-fitting, then it's ugly. If it's tight, it shows off your curves then you look good.

How did that idea come about anyway? Why do I have to look in fashion magazines for styles to slavishly follow next? Do I really need some orang putih to tell me that I'm in fashion...just like everyone else? Why can't I wear something that shows off my beliefs, my identity and my self worth and still be considered fashionable? Why do I have to wear clothes that are tight-fitting and with the "right" labels for people to pay attention to me? Some people won't even give you a second look if you're not dressed like them. Since when have we become a people who can't look (or think about) anything beyond what we wear?

Ok I'm too tired to get worked up any further. It's raiining outside. Just thought you'd like to know.

Ciao.

New Look!

2006-10-14T23:13:00.000+08:00

Hey there! As you can see, new template, new style and (hopefully) more new entries! Hope you like the new look. Changing templates has always been a hassle and it'll take at least a few hours to get it right. So I hope it's worth it. :-)

I've been really sick for the past 2 days. The doc said it's a virus that's been going around, and it sorta scared me because I was down with a really high temperature yesterday. I couldn't move at all. I mean, lots of people around me have caught dengue fever and that includes students on my campus and a few people from my neighbourhood. I'm being attacked on all fronts! Ugh.

I feel sick.

Ciao.

To You

2006-10-10T21:39:00.000+08:00

I don't know if you're reading this. I don't know if you ever will. But you know who you are. I'm sorry. It took awhile to say it, but I am.

"So I'll come clean and say that I lied
I guess it's OK if I'm hated and damned
But don't go away thinking I had it planned
It wasn't part of my scheme to be hateful to you
Did I hurt you?
And the signals that I sent you
I never meant to
Forgive me please
I am guilty
I let you believe
That I loved you
Believe me please when I say
Sometimes our hearts can lead us astray"

I hope we can still be friends.